Yuppie

I've decided to take a risk lately and finally "pursue" a dream of mine... in a form of a scholarship grant that would take me far away from here.

"Here" being where I am currently typing this, 30 minutes before I officially start working.

I hate the fact that most people consider me a "Yuppie".

Last night, after receiving some disheartening news (again, delayed communication - I would appreciate knowing things as close to real time when it concerns me), I've realized that most "Yuppies" or "Youngies" - as I see no difference from this side of the world - don't need anything but support and a tap on the back.

Stupid of me to think that I would find it here.

I've been feeling like a minimalist painting recently. Did you ever observe how most people would classify a minimalist painting as "minimalist" but what you see is an explosion of colors, shapes and strokes? I'm sure when the artist was painting, he never thought of his work as "minimal" but maybe painted it because he, indeed, feel minimal instead.

"Yes, I know there are bigger things going on..."

"Yes, I understand that there are other people's interest also on the line..." 

"Yes, I know I can work around it."

"Yes, I should enjoy the free ride. Yes, I am grateful."

I'm tired of saying "Yes."

After all, there WAS only one place I thought of after pursuing this. I thought that maybe I could come back, pick up where I left of. Because, honestly I wasn't doing it to satisfy my yuppie cravings. I was doing it because I wanted to be like everyone else.

So hell, if I can't and even if I wanted to so badly, I know that a "no" is a "no" and a "yes" is a "yes". If being young means I have goals to achieve, then I think I should no longer hide the fact that I am young, a yuppie if you may. Even if I'm young, I know that comfort is the rival of success. If I just wait around, there's a chance that nothing may happen as compared to me moving on and knowing that THINGS CAN HAPPEN.

I CAN HAPPEN.

So here's to this moment! Pushing through and moving on, finally!

Carpe Diem,

Someone Anxious

Meat of Back Wards

Let's take a Risk:

Dear friend,

Only so few really do take the time to read and I guess I owe it up to you to share some things that we never do get the time to talk about.

I've been working hard you see. Not just with work but the blunt of the matter is: I've been working hard to stay positive as well. And yesterday - the day that all my hardwork should have paid off -
they've decided to just be frank and I end up feeling inadequate in so many levels instead.

"What's the point?"

I keep asking myself this as I lay awake at night. Apparrently I've reached the point of no return and (if I do say so myself) forward. It is sad because I honestly feel like I've been working under false pretenses.

What hurts is that apparently, the person you've defended, supported above everyone else and looked up to is assumed your enemy. I am in no competition but myself because I want to be good with what I do. That is the truth. I believe there are no comparisons and I wished that people never assumed what goes on in my head. Angry, I am not. Hurt and betrayed, I do feel. I may be young but that does not always equate to foolish. I know that I've given up so many goals for this that the truth is: it is no longer worth it.

Dearest friend, one thing I will regret is that I will surely miss you.

You have been constant light during the past two years (I dare not count my experiences prior). Your presence has made all the differences in the world and I am and always will be grateful. I wish to keep in touch but it is already hard when we work for the same person, what more when we are in two different cities?

So, let me say that the most I can offer is to be sincerely thankful and my prayers will always include you and your sister. I would also like that you remeber me from time to time. Maybe say a short prayer as I take this risk. You will be in my thoughts always and with that in mind, I do not feel leaping forward all alone...


...Someone Anxious

2014 Home Improvements

So, it has come to that time of the year when I start making some changes in my living space.

I've already changed my furniture arrangements; going back to the original scheme of things and maximizing my room space. I've also started de-cluttering and I'll be throwing out a couple of things along the way. Feel free to drop by if you want to catch some old clothes...

For the moment, I'll be focusing on my wall art. As most of you may know, early on my move to my own place, I had some electric tape wall art put up. It was always a dream of mine and I always thought it would be a great way to release some pent up artistic energy. Frances has so much photos of my wall from the gang's overnight stay that it has become a staple already. But like so many things in life, I think it is time to change.

Improvement No. 1.) Work Station

I've decided to create a work station and free my work chair of the many clothes and little items that found itself seated on that specific area. To replace the electric tape art, I hung my cork board panel beside the table. Next step, buy an illustration board that I will frame as a chalk board to keep my life on track.

Improvement No. 2.) Coat Organizer

I've decided to buy some hooks to screw behind my front door. These will be my improvised coat hanger as my closet is already full. I'll also be hanging my bags from time to time. To do so, I removed some drawings I've placed early last year.

Improvement No. 3.) Shoe Rack

I will be making my improvised shoe rack by this weekend. I'm not totally decided if I will just buy and redecorate or make one from scratch. Regardless, I will be posting photos by Sunday morning. Hopefully, things will look better then.

Looking forward to a more productive 2014 ahead!

Someone Anxious

New Year = New Photo Challenge

Again, it's been a long time since I posted and I guess the usual update is due.

Update 1: Got sick... again!
Yeah, I've been getting sick recently and I don't exactly relish going to the ER and draining all my savings for meds. But still... happy to be alive and all that jazz.

Update 2: New Year's Resolution
I've been thinking about 2013 and how it flew by so fast. I wasn't really able to do majority of what I said I'll do (which happened to be 'Get Married' - thank, God!) but I'm still grateful for the many opportunities that came my way.

To ensure that 2014 will be a little bit different, I've decided to start the year with a little photo challenge for myself via zramphotography.

For more info, visit: http://zramphotography.wix.com/online

This little project will hopefully give me the boost I've been craving for to complete "Strangers" for MoarBooks and to spend more time doing the things I really love like... photography!

I'm also looking forward to buying new equipment this year. Aside from my usual Holga 35mm TLR, I've decided to buy an instax camera and a new digital camera to really boost my productivity. Plus. I never got to really do a photowalk last year. I've been meaning to ask Janey but maybe after her trip to SG.

So far, exciting 2014 ahead and I'm also planning a lot of professional changes as well. I know it's time that I really walk my talk and I can't wait to meet with Holly, Jackie and Janey to talk about it. Hopefully, we'll meet soon.

Cheers,

Someone Anxious.

My Life in a Suit: Work Trips

It's been a long time since I've posted something in this in this blog. Work has officially taken over my life and for the first time in a long time, I'm beginning to think I'm not cut out for this job.

 But as part of what I tell people during our programs, one sure way to counter "negativity" is to think about the positive things that you appreciate about your current situation. So, here it goes and this short post is dedicated to everyone who I miss dearly (girlaloos and college friends alike).

I think I've mentioned it here before that a big chunk of my time is spent travelling from one place to another. For those of you who don't me, I don't know why you're reading my blog but, I'm a (trying hard, wannabee) consultant. I work for an organization full-time and we do what I always thought I would be doing after college - travel and feel important.

But beyond the superficialities of my previous paragraph, everyone should know that it took me some time for me to do what I do. I started at the bottom and the rat race wasn't so kind to me at the beginning. I worked for minimum wage and eventually got lucky from there. I got transferred, my boss became my mentor (somewhat) and I ended up working with a team rather than for one.

I like what I do because I feel that I'm important. I'm not saying this because I'm vain although I am. I'm saying this because I feel like what I do has a purpose and changes a lot of people's lives. Part of my job is to talk to people and remind them to look at the brighter side of things. I help them understand that what they do contributes to the bigger picture. In short, I feel important because I help remind others that they are important.

One great perk which I am experiencing right now is that I'm in a nice suite watching TV from a flat panel screen. Although I'm due to send a report any minute now, I'm taking the time to enjoy this. After all, I might not be able to do this with my own resources so might as well sit back and relax.

There's always something nice about the idea of traveling for a living. It is extremely hard and I don't suggest it for people who have kids. But,

Blogging about it,

Someone Anxious

So Broke… But So Happy

Alexi mentioned this to us on our way home from such a random weekend day out. We were both short on cash and were highly dependent on our friend Jayt on the transport back home (my place) from the mountains.

The thing is: we were sincerely happy.

Let me tell it from the start:

Holly, Janey, Jackie and our friend CC planned this Halloween party. We (well, more of Holly), rented out a venue and invited people to come and spend the Saturday before Halloween with us. I thought it would be nice to also invite Frances and the group since we barely see each other during Halloween. So the plan was, Queenie goes to my apartment Saturday morning. Holly and the gang join us in the afternoon to pack candy bags (our giveaways) and then we will proceed to the venue. Frances and the rest (meaning Alexi) would follow as my guests.

For the party, Holly did a spectacular job organizing everything. Although, at some point I guess people kept ordering so we had a little “overspill”, I would still like to consider it as a success since people got free drinks, food and photos to remember the night.

I also joined what I mentally called as, the gasoline challenge. Holly bought this really cheap ass tequila that tasted and smelled like gasoline to me. I remember the four of us finishing a bottle once but I have no memories as to how it happened or what I did after. So for a good time, I decided to join and as it turns out, I was the only woman to join. Luckily, I got booted during the second round so I still had my wits with me while talking to Frances and the group.

I guess at this point, everything was going as I thought it was. But the thing with my brain, it only processes until a certain point. For example, during our trip to the beach and I was in charge of transportation, I prepared the going there but never the going home…  It didn’t come as a surprise that after the party, I ended up with Frances, Queenie, Alexi and Jay in a KTV place somewhere in the city. Needless to say, we went back to my place at around 4am equipped with the best kind of bedroom voice – a tired one.
We woke up at around 9am and had a very late lunch. We were looking for things to do and we just ended up going up to the mountains and on top of one of the largest Ferris wheel in the country. Can I just say, I’m not a big fan of heights? I really don’t like heights. I love roller coasters and rides but when it’s slow moving rides like the Ferris wheel or a stagnant view deck (SG’s Marina Bay Sands view deck for example), I just simply hate them. I get woozy, I feel like I’m falling (slow motion) and I’m more of a ground person. So I guess, during this random road trip up to the mountains and on a Ferris wheel, I somewhat conquered my fear of heights.

All in all, it was a nice long weekend to remember. Immediately the day after (less than 12 hours since we slept), I went up the mountains again with my uncle and grandmother for a simple brunch and walk around the outlet stores. I got a dress for a friend’s upcoming nuptials and although it will cost me a limb and arm to pay off (my uncle paid for it but I did promise to pay him back before the year ends), I’m glad. Seeing the look on my uncle and my grandmother’s eyes as I wore a perfect fit dress was priceless. Sharing a once in a lifetime Ferris wheel ride with Frances and Queenie, priceless. Playing video games with Jay and Alexi, priceless. Most importantly, continuing our Halloween tradition (Holly, Janey, Jackie and even CC), absolutely priceless. As Alexi said it: “I’m so broke, but I’m so happy…”

Another long weekend is upon us and I’m off to meet with my sister next Saturday (yes, she’s back – she’s back every month). I’m to pick her up in the airport and then we’re planning to have lunch in the city.
Looking forward to another priceless weekend,

Someone Anxious. 

Empowered-less

Yes, I know that the title is not really a grammatically correct one.

I guess it's weird to write after so long. I've been MIA because a.) work took over and in terms of priority, that's my number one and b.) I've been too tired to really write anything most days.  I guess, I'll take this short lunch break to let everyone know out there that I'm still alive but (just like the song) I'm barely breathing.

The funny thing about how I feel is that people always make you feel your empowered then your not. Work makes me feel that way most of the time and so does my family. I always feel like the only real choice I do make is which channel do I watch late at night when I can't sleep.

When I was growing up, I always envied adults because they make their own decisions. I thought, by this time, I've proven myself capable of deciding what I can and cannot do. But then again, I thought by this time I would be married to George Clooney or Prince Harry so I guess my judgement depreciates as seconds tick by.

The funny thing about this "growing up" is that it's totally different from "getting old". I've heard it many times over that wisdom does not necessarily come with age. But the thing is, how wise you are may not necessarily be an advantage when people can't see pass beyond your age. Yet again, I am a walking example that people will always judge the book by its cover.

I'd love to be empowered someday. To be trusted with the opportunity to talk the way I should deem to talk or walk the way I believe how to walk. Lastly, I would love to be trusted with the opportunity to be trusted. I guess it will never come easy so I should be content with simply being,

Someone Anxious.