I know I know I know

Another Friday Night Out with my college friends passed last week and I can't help but wonder how people have certain things stuck in their heads (most likely) forever.

I can't blame them. It's stuck on mine too (most likely) forever.

I've been thinking about the things that we can't forget. Case and point: Him. If you know me well, you might  know that I used to have a high school sweetheart of sorts. He was my first boyfriend and, sadly, my first missed kiss. I wasn't really in love with him. In fact, I'm not really sure why I was with him. It was weird to have someone as your boyfriend and just feel like you were someone's psychiatrist. It didn't feel right when you wanted to be open about it but had to hide it just in case the nuns would find out or worse, his sister.

It honestly didn't feel right and that's why I couldn't forget about it.

I was watching My Best Friend's Wedding the other week and I thought: "Hey, that's me there." I'm Julia Roberts. Why? Because even though I knew it didn't feel right and I can never ever stop ranting how not up to par he is, I still can't forget about him. That scene where she rages on about how Michael was in love with him for all those years is the same scene that happens when I meet up with Holly (except no weddings are mentioned).

Do I love him? That's why I can't forget him? I do. But there's not enough there to be with him. I guess it's one of those I love him but I'm not in love with him.

And (in true Tegan and Sara) fashion,

I know I know I know,

I'm still your love.

Someone Anxious.

A Little Musical Inspiration: Fun. featuring Janelle Monae

"My seat's been taken by some sunglasses

asking 'bout a scar

and I know I gave it to you months ago

I know you're trying to forget

but between the drinks and subtle things

the holes in my apologies

you know I'm trying hard to take it back."

I've heard the Glee version before and I wasn't really into it as I thought. It didn't struck me as much as Gotye's Somebody I Used to Know and it never uplifted me the same way Camera Obscura did. But yesterday, as I was experiencing what I dubbed as "morning traffic from hell" I decided to tune in to the radio instead of listening to my music files.

Surprisingly refreshing, Fun. was playing and it instantly made me smile. Despite the traffic, the heat of the sun (never ride cars without tint) and the annoying on-going construction at a nearby bridge, this song made me smile.

I absolutely love the lines: "I know I gave it to you months ago" and "I know you're trying to forget". There's something about the way the lines are sung that makes my heart leap.

A must hear!

S. Anxious

A Little Musical Inspiration: Camera Obscura

On the bus radio, "Fifty ways to leave your lover alone."

I laughed at the irony.

But life is stupid, the irony all lost on me.

It got lost on me.

Camera Obscura - The Sweetest Thing

I absolutely love Camera Obscura! Every time I'm down or every time I sense the blues coming, I listen to them and everything seems so much better. Everything has meaning and I don't feel so lonely, sad or blue. 


-Someone Anxious

Random Fridays.

I believe I have this all figured out. I'm pretty sure I have. You are the most random person I know and I guess that's what I need. I am no longer 18 and hoping nor am I 20 and naive. I am 50 stuck in a 20 year old's body and that's why you feel compelled to hang out with me from time to time. I'm young enough to give you an ego boost and mentally old enough not to need you as the others (or as I previously did) do.

You are not the person I would call when I feel like I need to have a boost myself. If so, I'd call you everyday and you'd just hate that. I'll call you when I feel like there is no other person in this world who would like to hang out with me on a Friday night. Don't get me wrong, you are not my last resort. Actually, you are my first but I'm just to fucking manipulative to actually beg you to spend a few hours with me. Besides, you'll just hate that and tell everybody else about how I begged and begged for your company.

I'm past that, don't worry.

I love the fact that I am no longer compelled to have this fairy tale fantasy about you. I love the fact that I no longer think of myself as a victim. I am nothing more than but a person who likes to be with you from time to time.

I like talking to you because talking to you means more than the usual innuendos and corporate jokes. Talking to you means trying to catch up, wondering what's happening with people we both know and simply trying to understand what ticks the other person off without being frank about it.

One thing irks me though...

...Why do you keep asking about my views on having a boyfriend every time we meet?

A little bit flustered,
Someone Anxious