So Broke… But So Happy

Alexi mentioned this to us on our way home from such a random weekend day out. We were both short on cash and were highly dependent on our friend Jayt on the transport back home (my place) from the mountains.

The thing is: we were sincerely happy.

Let me tell it from the start:

Holly, Janey, Jackie and our friend CC planned this Halloween party. We (well, more of Holly), rented out a venue and invited people to come and spend the Saturday before Halloween with us. I thought it would be nice to also invite Frances and the group since we barely see each other during Halloween. So the plan was, Queenie goes to my apartment Saturday morning. Holly and the gang join us in the afternoon to pack candy bags (our giveaways) and then we will proceed to the venue. Frances and the rest (meaning Alexi) would follow as my guests.

For the party, Holly did a spectacular job organizing everything. Although, at some point I guess people kept ordering so we had a little “overspill”, I would still like to consider it as a success since people got free drinks, food and photos to remember the night.

I also joined what I mentally called as, the gasoline challenge. Holly bought this really cheap ass tequila that tasted and smelled like gasoline to me. I remember the four of us finishing a bottle once but I have no memories as to how it happened or what I did after. So for a good time, I decided to join and as it turns out, I was the only woman to join. Luckily, I got booted during the second round so I still had my wits with me while talking to Frances and the group.

I guess at this point, everything was going as I thought it was. But the thing with my brain, it only processes until a certain point. For example, during our trip to the beach and I was in charge of transportation, I prepared the going there but never the going home…  It didn’t come as a surprise that after the party, I ended up with Frances, Queenie, Alexi and Jay in a KTV place somewhere in the city. Needless to say, we went back to my place at around 4am equipped with the best kind of bedroom voice – a tired one.
We woke up at around 9am and had a very late lunch. We were looking for things to do and we just ended up going up to the mountains and on top of one of the largest Ferris wheel in the country. Can I just say, I’m not a big fan of heights? I really don’t like heights. I love roller coasters and rides but when it’s slow moving rides like the Ferris wheel or a stagnant view deck (SG’s Marina Bay Sands view deck for example), I just simply hate them. I get woozy, I feel like I’m falling (slow motion) and I’m more of a ground person. So I guess, during this random road trip up to the mountains and on a Ferris wheel, I somewhat conquered my fear of heights.

All in all, it was a nice long weekend to remember. Immediately the day after (less than 12 hours since we slept), I went up the mountains again with my uncle and grandmother for a simple brunch and walk around the outlet stores. I got a dress for a friend’s upcoming nuptials and although it will cost me a limb and arm to pay off (my uncle paid for it but I did promise to pay him back before the year ends), I’m glad. Seeing the look on my uncle and my grandmother’s eyes as I wore a perfect fit dress was priceless. Sharing a once in a lifetime Ferris wheel ride with Frances and Queenie, priceless. Playing video games with Jay and Alexi, priceless. Most importantly, continuing our Halloween tradition (Holly, Janey, Jackie and even CC), absolutely priceless. As Alexi said it: “I’m so broke, but I’m so happy…”

Another long weekend is upon us and I’m off to meet with my sister next Saturday (yes, she’s back – she’s back every month). I’m to pick her up in the airport and then we’re planning to have lunch in the city.
Looking forward to another priceless weekend,

Someone Anxious. 

2013

"Laugh until we think we'll die. 

Barefoot on a summer night...

... Never could be sweeter than with you."

 -Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros, Home.

 

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma8vcrvwcm1qzk4ruo1_500.gif

A few months ago, I made a declaration to the universe. Theoretically it was a very simple goal in which Holly thought was funny and Janey felt like it was totally me to say so.

I said that I'll get married by 2013.

I didn't say it simply because I was sad and lonely. I didn't say it because I was jealous with Janey's romance with Indie or Holly's superb sex life with his beau. I said it simply because I felt like I wanted it...

I know this is such a weird goal and it doesn't really go with my whole facade (nor my "By the time I reach 30 plan"). But, I'm so sick and tired of being against love or being stingy about it that I think this is the best time in my life to just take a leap of faith.

There were times when I don't believe in it (sometimes I still don't). I've seen enough broken and lifeless marriages in my lifetime to know that we don't always marry what we want. But, I still believe (as I told Janey), that I deserve and will have something as clear as water and as innocent as teddy bear hugs.

I guess, what I'm saying is that I more open to it at this very moment than I am most of the time.

That's a good thing, right?

Let's face it. I'll still fall in love with jerks, hypocrites and cry babies. I'm pretty sure one night stands with a couple of  mama's boys and all around A.holes will be involved. But then, at least I'm trying. I'm smiling while I'm trying and I won't be so negative about it.

When the situation is right... we will meet, my love.

Less than three months to go for 2013.

For the meantime, let me practice my nonchalant face (remove my searching eye) and flirting lines.

Practicing,

Someone Anxious

It's the "We" effect.

I've been happily busy lately and it's so much more refreshing than just being stagnant. I'm so happy that I now have a chaotic schedule.

Lately, I've been meeting with a lot of people, professionally and personally (most I thought I'll never ever get to hang out in the near future). I'm constantly amazed at how I have met so many loving, caring and sincere people in this world.

I'm also so happy that I am now able to make plans... in fact, I have now used 'we' in a sentence. Although, I'm not talking about this in a romantic sense, I still am so happy. I now have plans to spend time with a close friend, a group of friends and people that I feel like I'll be spending a lot more time with.

I think this is what I call the "We" Effect. There's something so mesmerizing with using 'we' in a sentence when you're so used to writing "I".

Who knew that one simple word can make me so happy? Who knew that two letters together could make me feel so... significant?

I do miss a couple of buddies though. (Holly, if your are reading this, I super miss you!!!! When are we going to spend some time together?) And even if I do get to see Janey and Jackie from time to time, I always think that time with them is never ever enough. I long for the day that we have another escape from the city vacation.

S.A.

Rekindling.

re·kin·dle  (r-kndl)

tr.v. re·kin·dled, re·kin·dling, re·kin·dles

1. To relight (a fire).

2. To revive or renew: rekindled an old interest in the sciences.

Wow. I guess miracles do happen and when things aren't looking up in one circle of your life, you sort of get blessed in another. 

It's been a rekindling month of sorts. After weeks of not having enough time to see my friends, I was able to move in to my apartment, celebrating with Holly and Janey for most of the time. Had my first official sleepover with Holly in addition to meeting up with my college gang (with celebrating my friend Queenie's first time to join us in our Friday Night Outs). Plus, yesterday, an old friend called and although it was work related, it was quite nice to hear someone and go back to old tricks.

What's more amazing is that I am currently spending time with someone I never honestly thought I will ever see again. For those of you who knows, please don't place anything here. I want to talk about this moment as vaguely as possible for "security" and emotional purposes. 

~

I honestly never thought that I will ever get to see you again. I thought that the days of thinking about happier days are what's left in our relationship. Thinking about it now, I realized that when I last saw you, I cried \what was left of everything and just decided to forget about everything and accept that there are things in this world we will never get to have and happy endings are nothing but happy endings. No more dreams of what I could be... when we last saw each other, they were replaced of what should be.

Then, you  called with news that I never thought I would hearr. You called and all of a sudden, everything was a lot more better to swallow. Don't get me wrong, I still constantly think about what I lost and everything that happened. I still feel the shame and embarrassment. No need to hide that and I think you know. However, when you called and I saw you greeting me with open arms, I've come to realize that there is no need to wallow in the self-pity I dose myself with every time I take a cab ride to what I now call "home". There is no need to be sad because things are finally looking up (thank God!).

I see the old you. The you that I tell everyone if they ask about you. I see the old smile, no longer the lazy eyes and the conniving grin. I see the you that stayed at home for my birthday despite the need to work. I see the you that would give me a hug and kiss once in a while before I fell into a deep slumber. I see the you that I miss. The you that always had a preoccupied mind, always half-listening to my ideas simply because you were busy with your own. God! How I missed you! I'm so happy that finally, I have you again and that I know, despite the hardships of the past, the present and the future, things will be alright in the end.

We are so much alike. Out of everyone, I think I was the one who was influenced the most by your bad traits. I think that's why people like to warn me. I think that's why people would always keep me a little bit more closer than to my comfort. I think that's why, they shielded me from the worst. And because of this, I thank the powers that be. I'd rather be blissfully ignorant than never ever have this moment, this feeling, again.

You never used to give me hugs. Rarely. In fact, that made my relationship with him so much better (oh, the irony!). He would hug me, tease me and tuck me in like a child (by force I think as we had no choice). But he would never ever talk to me like you would. There was always something about our conversations that made me who I am today. You would always counter me (which made my logical reasoning a tad higher), talk to me about money (which helped me with numbers) and challenged me to work on things from scratch (which made me a little bit entrepreneurial but I'm still lazy). Like last night, I told you about this business venture I'm really excited about. In the middle of my detail-oriented story, you stood up and made a phone call. Then and there I knew,  you love me enough to tell me that the concept is hazy and that it is confusing to someone with no idea of it... plus the details are too much. God! How I miss that! 

I know there are things still left unsaid about the past. I'd rather not think or talk about it. I'd rather remember this and start with happy memories. I'm not saying this is healthy. I'm not saying that this should be the norm. But it's just who I am. I love you this way.

Now that I think about it, your offer is quite amazing. I can do what I should do and live the way I should live but then again, I don't completely trust you yet. How is that possible? How is it possible to love you so much that I am willing to walk through hell for you but not trust as I trust the security guard of my work building?

Maybe it really is in the blood. 

Always,

S. Anxious.

5 Things That Never Go As Planned

1.) Diets
Let's face it. We've all been there.

I always start my diet every Monday and by Wednesday, I would have come to the conclusion that it did not and never will go as planned.

I love food. I mean, I used to be a quantity eater (and now I am learning to be a quality eater) and even though I try my best to stop and just think of food as something I need and not something I want, I can't help it.

I love stuffing my face.

2.) Apartment Hunting
Yes. This never goes as planned as well.

Last Saturday, I dragged Holly to go apartment hunting with me. I've been dying to show her this apartment near the city. Budget wise, it was just right for the both of us and the location was ideal. It was just too good to be true.

No really, it was.

After staying in front of the building for 30 minutes and screaming the caretaker's name, we've decided to just go home. I realized that there are things that just don't push through despite the planning.

3.) Sleepovers
I honestly believe that the best way to enjoy sleepovers and to have the best flexible plan as possible.

I've been to a lot of sleepovers in my life (mostly after I left home and started living alone). But the best one I could recall would be ones where I just hung out, pig out and talk with my friends (not necessarily in that order but the pig out is really a must - see no.1).

Sleepovers should NEVER ever go as planned (it's just more fun that way - think, adventure!)

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

4.) Family Trips
I don't know about you guys but my family trips, although generally boring, never goes as planned.

For example, going to the north once, my family made reservations for room and we got a cottage instead. Then, instead of a weekend riding horses, I ended up watching my grandmother, mother and the rest of my family get riled up over mahjohng.

Sometimes, family trips don't go as planned but just like sleepovers, I like them that way. It helps me remember something about the trip and never ever take it for granted.

5.) Your Period.
I don't know about you, but I've never been a regular woman (ladies, are you with me?). Thus, every time I get my monthlies, I'm surprised as hell and never prepared. I can count the times when I had my bag with all my needs and trust me, my toiletries bag is never prepared as it should be.

How about you?

Someone Anxious

A Little Parmigiana.

What I love about chicken parmigiana is that it has all the things I ever wanted in a dish. Tomato from the sauce, helpings of cheese on top and bacon wrapped around chicken. To me, it is perfect and best enjoyed with friends.

Like dinner last night.

Holly and our friend from college passed by for me as we had dinner in a nearby restaurant. It was nice, refreshing and as someone from our old group would call it, "chill".

source: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m44dr6kCcI1qfji2jo1_500.jpg

I often wonder about the people that stay in my life. Some of them, they don't really understand but they really make it a point to go out of their way and sort of try (even though at times I find quite tiring to repeatedly tell them). While others really talk to you, understand you (maybe because they know how it feels or that they are just sensitive enough to know what to say). Regardless, I'm happy that I have friends who try.

And I'm happy that I have moments like those of last night. Remember:

source: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3zqfdB8nE1qckikfo1_500.jpg

And that is why, despite everything, I am happy. I live, I long to live and I try hard to not merely exist.

Living it up until the very end,

Someone Anxious.

Of cheeseburgers, best friends and accessories.

Do you ever look back and say: "Boy! What a weekend!" Well, this post is all about that.

Last Friday, I prepared for a weekend away from home. I was supposed to spend Friday night at Holly's place and then I was supposed to meet and spend the rest of the weekend at France's place for our accessories shop opening.

Hanging out with Holly is always refreshing and quite satisfying. We had dinner at this restaurant near my office that I've been dying to try for quite some time already. She also allowed me to get my white skirt from my uncle (which will be Friday's outfit). By the time we got to her house, we had a Gossip Girl session (where we didn't watch any episodes at all) and imagined HS with GG in tow. Let's just say that we couldn't stop laughing and up to now, I still smile thinking about all the possible posts that could have been.

I'm also thankful for the success of our launch. Frances and I have been planning this online accessory store for months already and we're thankful that everything went well. Selling during the Sunday Market at her village was a great idea (as we were able to meet new people (hoping they will add us on Facebook), do some PR for the store and spend the rest of the afternoon nursing a very bad sunburn (Frances especially).

Even though I got home to a non-existent dinner (thanks to my brother who ate my share), I felt satisfied that my weekend was both productive and successful.

Here's to a million more sleepovers and business ideas!

XOXO
Someone Anxious ;)

Officially 21.

I guess last night marks the end of my birthday celebration and I think I ended things beautifully.

courtesy of winawonders.blogspot.com

After not seeing Jackie, Janey and Holly for the longest time, we decided to have dinner in the city. It was a great night for all of us, eating good (and so expensive) food while enjoying a night of sober laughter. I don't think I've ever felt so rejuvenated. Holly shared with us her adventures with her current beau while Janey told us all about her foreign (for lack of a better term) friend. Meanwhile, Jackie told us about her cousins' visit, living in the city for a couple of days and she then continued to slap my butt.

Great night indeed.

- Someone Anxious