Skirt.

I haven't had such an energetic weekend in awhile.

It all started last Friday when my college friends decided to spontaneously meet for dinner. We had a really late dinner at the mall and coffee afterwards. We did the usual routine, buy food we usually can't afford and drink really expensive coffee we can't seem to digest.

What's amazing with our Friday Night Hangouts is how we never really loose out of touch. We're always interested in what's happening with one another and we always laugh about the most mundane things. There's Frances who I never fail to bond over clothes and our job woes. There's Dan who is perpetually in love with her and never fails to laugh. Then there's Vic who always wait for people to meet up first before he joins us and there's Jon who never fails to say something and make us all laugh.

I'm sure as hell lucky that we all meet up every other week.

The next day, I had to go to work for an ocular trip and right after, I met the Certified Olympian who graciously treated me to a movie. Afterwards, we spent the late afternoon dining and walking around the mall looking at clothes and buying toiletries.

It was nice having such a relaxing afternoon, being myself and talking about things. Lately, I needed a positive boost and the Certified Olympian selflessly provided it. I've never had such a great time just walking around and talking about almost anything and everything under the sun. In fact, I haven't laughed like that in the longest time.

Sunday, I met with my uncle and my grandmother. We celebrated my 21st birthday (as I wasn't able to meet them on the day itself) at one of my favorite restaurants and we had coffee and cake afterwards. Then I went with my uncle to ye ol' fabric shop where I got lost feeling different fabrics and talking about different designs. I often wonder why I never decided to pursue a more artistically centered profession like him. He seemed so happy and at ease choosing the right fabric for his clients.

Same day, I shared with my uncle of my dream skirt I've always wanted to have. I could never find a ready made one so I told him about the style. Amazingly, he knew exactly what it looked like and just like that, he bought the fabric needed to make one. I can't wait until the skirt is finished! Then I'll have the perfect outfit in mind.

-Someone Anxious.

Hermit Reflection I.

Some people are real while others just believe they are.
I did go out last Friday with my College friends and had a really great time. I haven't seen them in the longest time and it felt really good to connect with them again.Despite everyone having their own thing going on, we talked as if nothing's changed. I think this was because all of us were sincere about knowing what's happening in each other's lives. No pretenses, no wanting to top the other and no trying to be the best. We were all happy to just know and be in contact with one another. I'm glad we weren't the type to loose touch and drift off. I'm also very happy about being their friend. Somewhere in my youth (yes, I am currently thinking of watching Sound of Music) I made the right choice and made connections with these people.

The best part of hanging out with them? I was able to prove to myself that I am able to have a good time without alcohol. I'm so happy that I was able to prove this to myself. I just don't want to go down that path where I'm going to be dependent on alcohol to have a good time and I've already felt like that for the past few months and last Friday was a refreshing change. I'm glad.

7 days down, 23 days more to go to complete my Hermit Mode.

Someone Anxious.

I could have been your friend.

I've been thinking about you. What else is new? I've been thinking about you for over a year now and I'm beginning to think that maybe the cards are right. They've been right so far.Around the same time last year, I was so hung up on you that I asked a friend to tell my fortune. It was all fun and laughs at first (I never really thought of it seriously) until now that I realized everything he said came true.

The reading goes like this: I am interested in two completely different men. An older man and a younger one. The older one brings out the passion in me and he will be the one I choose despite the presence of a younger man who can give me the security I crave. In the end, I will end up with no one.

True.

Sometimes I wonder about foreshadowing and how life seems like a tunnel filled with signs of what's to come. Sometimes I wonder about how I could have missed it? How could I have missed all the signs telling me I can never have you or him. Sometimes I think about that night and how nights before that were different. A million other girls and a million other nights. I was just one of them.

I've been listening to that song we both were drawn to that night and I think about how Norah Jones couldn't have put it better when she said: Yeah, you're great, you're just par of this lifetime of dreaming. I'm pretty sure I will stop dreaming of you one day. I'm pretty sure I'll get over this whole thing of feeling used. After all, feeling used is better than feeling useless and at least I know I did something (almost everything) to try.

I can't help but cry every time I hear this: Can I stay until the milkman's working? Can I stay until the cafe awakes? Do you hate me in the light? Did you get a fright when you looked across from where you lay? I was really hoping for more but not too much. More of like a respectable understanding. I was hoping to stay longer, maybe a few days, a week... maybe forever. Maybe you really didn't like what you saw and I can't blame you for that. Just so you know, despite your knobby knees, I cared.


I am like the best friend in Harry met Sally. He's never going to leave her. Yes. Accept it. Hey, at least she gets her happy ending.

Waiting for mine,
Someone Anxious

Random Fridays.

I believe I have this all figured out. I'm pretty sure I have. You are the most random person I know and I guess that's what I need. I am no longer 18 and hoping nor am I 20 and naive. I am 50 stuck in a 20 year old's body and that's why you feel compelled to hang out with me from time to time. I'm young enough to give you an ego boost and mentally old enough not to need you as the others (or as I previously did) do.

You are not the person I would call when I feel like I need to have a boost myself. If so, I'd call you everyday and you'd just hate that. I'll call you when I feel like there is no other person in this world who would like to hang out with me on a Friday night. Don't get me wrong, you are not my last resort. Actually, you are my first but I'm just to fucking manipulative to actually beg you to spend a few hours with me. Besides, you'll just hate that and tell everybody else about how I begged and begged for your company.

I'm past that, don't worry.

I love the fact that I am no longer compelled to have this fairy tale fantasy about you. I love the fact that I no longer think of myself as a victim. I am nothing more than but a person who likes to be with you from time to time.

I like talking to you because talking to you means more than the usual innuendos and corporate jokes. Talking to you means trying to catch up, wondering what's happening with people we both know and simply trying to understand what ticks the other person off without being frank about it.

One thing irks me though...

...Why do you keep asking about my views on having a boyfriend every time we meet?

A little bit flustered,
Someone Anxious

You are officially jerk #1

Let's just say you've broken every friendship rule from here to Timbuktu. I don't know how you could actually think of doing that even when you say you've had alcohol coursing through your system. I find your brother cute but I never thought of making out with him when I had a few beers at your place almost a month ago.

How could you actually think of doing what you did? You always say you live by this moral code and that you want romance... here you are making with one of my close friends at the backseat of Holly's car right next to Janey acting like a total ass and not caring if the driver's looking because you won't get in trouble... HOLLY WOULD!

You always think that someone will clean up after you and I guess that was fine if you would actually abide by this moral code you always fucking talk about. I guess it would have been fine if it wasn't my close friend who I practically lived with in college. I guess it would have been fine if the both of you didn't try to cover it up and even had the guts to talk to me about it because finding out from someone else is really degrading.

In the long list of jerks I liked you are officially number one because unlike him, you are a pretentious and deceitful coward. At least he never pretended to be "Mr. I am Morally Upright" and never really gave a rat's ass. He's a jerk, he knows it and lives with it everyday unlike you who tries to cover up everything you've done wrong with more lies and more lines like: "I don't believe in that..." Guess what? You don't believe in promiscuity? Well, Friday night just proved that your dick craves for it.

Yes. Jerk list update and you are officially #1.

Someone Anxious

Friday Night Strangers

I met one of the cutest strangers last Friday. Then I found out he had a steady girlfriend in two countries. What a bummer. But. This stranger was the reason why I met another stranger, not the cute and fluffy type but more of the mysterious type.

He was quiet, only talking to people he knew. I couldn't really do anything because I was about to go and talking would be futile. A short wave goodbye and the next day I get a txt from a friend telling me that he seemed interested in yours truly. Me? Well, that seems a first.

Truth be told, I don't really remember what he looked like. I don't blame the alcohol or anything. I don't even blame the club and its dark corners. Honestly, I just wasn't that interested. I mean, I didn't go out that night thinking I would end up in a club in my flats with my work clothes. I just thought I'd have dinner with my college friends and have a few laughs along the way.

I didn't think I would meet him.

I do remember a few things about him. He had a very similar problem with him. Even my friends said that he reminded him of him and I felt put out because people tend to associate me only to people with the same problem. Let me get this straight right here right now. I do not intentionally like men who has the same problem as the president. I don't purposely go out of my way to like men who seem to have the first few signs of ageing. As a matter of fact, I thought the first stranger was cuter. It's just that his actions make me think of him less.

I do like the fact that I am meeting someone new. There's always a connection to the only person in the room  who smokes like you. As a matter of fact, the only problem I face is knowing that my good friend is trying to set me up with him. The randomness fail.

Supposed to meet him again this Friday. Maybe then he won't be a stranger anymore. Hopefully, this post won't jinx what is supposed to happen.

Someone Anxious