Lights Out

We don't have forever

Baby daylight's wasting

You better kiss me

Before our time is run out

Nobody sees what we see

They're just hopelessly gazing

Baby take me

Before they turn the lights out

It's been a while since I've blogged about more personal endeavors. Although I've been pouring all my efforts in my food blog, there are things that I feel like I should share in this semi-private hole in the internet.

I've been thinking about moving lately.

Like physically moving, changing locations and leaving everything behind.

Since I've accepted that I won't be up for the "prestigious" scholarship (thank you very much, people who care), I've been thinking about just following my dream and moving to a totally different place. My mom has been sharing how they're planning to buy a home in the suburbs and I'm thinking that maybe in a year's time, I can comfortably follow.

There's just so many uncomfortable things running around here.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like this from time to time. But honestly, I want to clear my head and I know for a fact that I can't clear it here. I feel like despite the smiles, I'm slowly burning myself out. I'm tired of trying to make an effort of having a good time or feeling like my old self when those things SHOULD come naturally to everyone.

People say it's because I'm growing up. I like to think that it's only because I'm growing old. When people say age is just a number and you know for a fact that it isn't, I think that's a sign. I'm scared because I'm starting to forget. I'm forgetting not just the actual number, but what should be experienced with it. I worry about too many things that doesn't matter. I start paying to take those long walks I know I could have for free. Then I start making a big deal out of it because I know it should be free. It's a cycle and I know for a fact that I don't want to be part of it.

I've come to realize that it is not in the process of losing everything, but rather, in the process of gaining everything that we loose who we are as individuals.

I guess, I just want to be preventive rather than reactive. I've learned to take multivitamins for my body. Maybe, I should earn courage for my soul.


Working on to be,

Someone Anxious.

Birthday Month

The Certified Olympian did mention that my blog has had some serious undertones lately. I guess, it's been a rough couple of weeks (or even months) for me.

But I've been thinking about being "happy" lately and how it seems everyone from my age group relates it to a.) clothes, b.) money c.) someone to have sex with, or d.) all of the above. Truth is, I think I'm in a better place now then I was during the last post here and I'm back to sincerely smiling again.

One thing that made me smile though is that I was able to enjoy my "Birthday Month".

Back in college, Holly, Janey, Jackie and I would have one whole month of celebrations to celebrate one's birthday. Since all 3 of them would celebrate on December, I would be their "slave" for a whole month. And since I'm born in March, I demand that they be mine for the entire month.

Things have changed though, very seldom do I see them and in truth, very seldom do we really see the people we want to see anyways. But I did spend a part of my Birthday weekend in the beautiful island of Palawan with my college friends: Frances, Alexi and Rich.

Our view after successful spelunking adventure

I barely post pictures of my self in this blog simply because I don't want it to backfire in the future. I'm done with the whole backfire with photographic evidence thing. But I can't help it, especially with this shot by Frances:

My Birthday "Cave" Shot 

It might not seem like it, but that's actually a really high rock that I'm on top of. I knew that the boys had a semi-panic attack when I sat on it. But with my aqua/trekking shoes, nothing's impossible (thank you, Payless)!

That whole trip made me realize how much I do love my friends and how much I do appreciate them. It was worth every penny (and not eating for days afterwards). Now, the only thing I'm looking forward to is having a Saturday off (which is impossible since I'm swamped with weekend work trips).

Speaking of boys earlier, I've admitted to Carla that I've been feeling a bit "dry" (yes, it's what your thinking type of dry) in the love department. It's been two years since I last saw "him" and I think I've moved on. Although, an occasional slip of the tongue does happen when I see Holly (I have no idea why). But every time I'm with Frances and the gang, it's like I don't even think about men in general. Now, more than ever, I do believe in my theory on conversational cycles and how relationships (love or friends) all depend if there is a need that is unfulfilled through conversations.

I don't want a new relationship, I just miss the ones I have. With the busy work sched and the months to follow, I wonder if I'll ever get to grab a cup of coffee with the Certified Olympian, or catch a movie with Jackie. I've been itching to also play rugby or football with Janey and even maybe have an ice cold beer with Holly.

I think it's true with the whole geography thing. I'm not much of a South person anymore and I've come to say "no" with commuting back and forth for four hours just to spend time with some of them for 2. I think there's an injustice with that and unless a.) Manila traffic will ease up or b.) We meet on a totally free day, I'll be cooped up in my apartment watching the HIMYM finale over and over again.

Patethic? Not really. That's just me and that's what I like doing.

I'm just,

Someone Anxious.

My Life in a Suit: Work Trips

It's been a long time since I've posted something in this in this blog. Work has officially taken over my life and for the first time in a long time, I'm beginning to think I'm not cut out for this job.

 But as part of what I tell people during our programs, one sure way to counter "negativity" is to think about the positive things that you appreciate about your current situation. So, here it goes and this short post is dedicated to everyone who I miss dearly (girlaloos and college friends alike).

I think I've mentioned it here before that a big chunk of my time is spent travelling from one place to another. For those of you who don't me, I don't know why you're reading my blog but, I'm a (trying hard, wannabee) consultant. I work for an organization full-time and we do what I always thought I would be doing after college - travel and feel important.

But beyond the superficialities of my previous paragraph, everyone should know that it took me some time for me to do what I do. I started at the bottom and the rat race wasn't so kind to me at the beginning. I worked for minimum wage and eventually got lucky from there. I got transferred, my boss became my mentor (somewhat) and I ended up working with a team rather than for one.

I like what I do because I feel that I'm important. I'm not saying this because I'm vain although I am. I'm saying this because I feel like what I do has a purpose and changes a lot of people's lives. Part of my job is to talk to people and remind them to look at the brighter side of things. I help them understand that what they do contributes to the bigger picture. In short, I feel important because I help remind others that they are important.

One great perk which I am experiencing right now is that I'm in a nice suite watching TV from a flat panel screen. Although I'm due to send a report any minute now, I'm taking the time to enjoy this. After all, I might not be able to do this with my own resources so might as well sit back and relax.

There's always something nice about the idea of traveling for a living. It is extremely hard and I don't suggest it for people who have kids. But,

Blogging about it,

Someone Anxious

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

"Out there things can happen

and frequently do

to people as brainy

and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,

don't worry.  Don't stew.

Just go right along.

You'll start happening too."

 - Oh, the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss

I've had great plans for this post and I'm not sure I can do it justice with how I feel now. Just this afternoon, I  lost my cool (which has been happening quite recently) and just like in You've Got Mail, I feel awful... really awful because I can't not have heart for these things nor can I stomach the idea of loosing people's good faith.

Still, after watching It Takes Two and reminiscing about the days when the Olsen twins where my idols and Kirstie Alley did not have to loose so much pounds to feel beautiful, I realized that maybe, just maybe, I can still write about the things that I am so happy/grateful for.

This is it:

I guess I'm pretty lucky. For the past three weeks, I've been travelling non-stop.  I'm not sure if I blogged about this already but the reason why I was so adamant to go into what I do now is because of the idea of travelling for a living. Given that I don't always get the opportunity to do a lot of it, but there are moments when the universe just gives you what you want.

Place No. 1: Caramoan

A long over due out of town trip with my college friends was what exactly I needed to sort of relax and just forget about the downside of work. We've been planning to go to the beach for about two years now and finally - after 12 hours inside a bus and 2 hours sitting right next to a stranger in a boat filled that smelled like urine, there we were! Caramoan!

photo credit to our tour guide who climbed what they call the "lagoon"

Let me just say that Frances did an amazing job to find us a budget tour that had it all. We had decent lodgings, snorkling, island hopping and three full meals. Rides to the port included! Honestly, if I had all the money in this world, I'll just buy an island and set up a house (with a decent bathroom) and live there. Then again, we all know that some dreams may not really happen in real life so let's just settle with me telling you all about our trip.

The best part for me would be drinking fresh coconut juice in the middle of the ocean. One of the stops during the island hopping tour was a secluded beach where there were floating cottages and a man selling fresh coconuts. Given that the water (which was a clear blue) was waist high and the sand was so fine, we decided to grab some coconuts and drink while swimming.

Place No. 2: Antipolo

A week after I came back from Caramoan (including a first time trip to Solaire's International Buffet, Fresh) I had a work trip to Antipolo. It's always nice to try out a new place but the truth is, because it's for work, you don't get to do much except take a few (wacky) photos in the morning.

Here's me trying to show off the sun:

Place No. 3: Cagayan Valley

Another work trip that came a day after the Antipolo trip. I was scheduled to accompany a colleague to Nueva Vizcaya (another first) for four days. The view was amazing but what I will really remember from this trip would be the little critters everywhere. Moths would fly about and the Grissom in me couldn't help it. I absolutely loved opening my window every morning and seeing a bunch plastered about as if they were stickers.

Cagayan Valley had amazing weather also! Honestly, it felt like I was in another country. By the time 4pm rolled about, the weather starts to get cooler. I had no use for the room aircon at all! By 9pm, it's so cold that the only thing you could do was to snuggle and fall asleep.

I guess I really am blessed and even though I'm physically tired of shuffling myself from one place to another, from one airport or plain old port and a knapsack to a full RL luggage, it is and always will be worth it.

Caramoan will always remind of the water and how I miss swimming so much.

Cagayan Valley will always remind me of my dreams... how I always wanted to be a CSI (like Grissom who is an Entomologist).

And Antipolo will always remind me of the amazing view I encountered and how I realized that there is a place close to home that can be as serene as those Elizabeth Bennett experienced in Pride and Prejudice.

The best part from all of these trips? Well, it's not over yet. Tomorrow, I'm off to Batangas and even though it is a bit close to home, it is still a trip nonetheless. I'm looking forward dozens to dozens of Buko Pie and maybe a Balisong if I'll ever get a chance.

More importantly, tomorrow I'll be thinking about Dr. Seuss and so, I will end this the same way I started it.

"With banner flip-flapping,

once more you'll ride high!

Ready for anything under the sky.

Ready because you're that kind of a guy!"

-Oh, the Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss (yet again)

Staying Positive,

Someone Anxious

Reminding you of what you are certain.

I once wrote about surprises and how positive ones are the few good things in this world that makes me absolutely happy. Got another work related surprise this week and now I am sitting in a very  comfortable chair inside an amazing (and functional) room up in the mountains.

This trip came about the right time for me. I was beginning to feel a lot of doubt and uncertainty with what I really want to do. Holly, I know you are so sick and tired of hearing this from me (especially when you hear it from your family too but now you have to read it). For that, I'm sorry but there really are moments when I'm not sure of things. Yes, I know. That's life and you are never really sure about these things.

This place is amazing and would be one of the places I must go back to (if they allow it) for pleasure. I honestly wish to own this place and just live in this room, with this view.

And this one.

Cheers!
Someone Anxious.