Because My Friends Won't Believe Me...

Certificate: Test results Which "How I Met Your Mother" Character are you Most like?

For 37 % you are: You are Robin! Very classy and highly thought of. Try to be a little more relaxed and trusting of the opposite gender. They're not really that bad, well, at least most of them. Just watch out for those heart breaking Barney's and gays.
31.7501 % of 36170 Quiz participants had this profile!

You could also get this result:
For 33 % you are: You are Ted! Teddy Bear! Make sure that you're not ever too pathetic. Oh, and when you grow up and get married, don't bore your kids with months of stories about how you met your wife. Just a quick summary if they even want to hear that.

Or even this one:
For 23 % you are: You are Marshall. Marshmallow. You love relationships and are pretty much a great friend. You're very sweet and considerate of others, though sometimes you will be the first to poke fun. Don't forget to have fun in life!

Or even this one:
For 3 % you are: You are Barney! The Barnacle, Banana supreme, whatever. You think pretty highly of yourself. Sometimes you drive your friends nuts, but you tend to be the life of the party. Enjoy life! But don't forget that love isn't always a bad thing.

Or even this one:
For 3 % you are: You are Lily! Lily pad! You've got it great! Though you may feel the need to get out and experience new things, sometimes the way that life is right now is actually amazing and might not get any better! Look around you, you've got an awesome life!
 
Take this quiz: Which "How I Met Your Mother" Character are you Most like?

Investing Emotionally and Financially.

After celebrating a back-to-back birthday celebration with my friends (Frances' group last Friday and Holly with the gang on Saturday) and family, I've come to realize that the only person I was not able to spend time with is my brother (who is now living up north for work and love reasons).

I remember having a conversation with him two years past and we talked about how he was always on the loosing end when it comes to love. All the dinners he bought, flowers he scouted, chocolates he had to pay for and movie tickets he had to line up for... all these efforts and always a "no" in the end. Back then, I felt really bad for him. All he wanted was a girlfriend to look out for and there he was, simply available.

That's when I told him my POV. That when it comes to relationship, he should look at it the best way he can relate to: investing.

Yes, we do invest financially. For my brother, one girl's "no" cost him roughly 40K and it was quite hard to understand what exactly she looked like to make him spend like that (my brother is such a savings addict that he doesn't eat lunch at work). However, more importantly, every friend and lover we go through in this world, we invest emotionally. What's worse is that if we spend all our time investing emotionally and financially in one person, the greater the risk that we have our heart broken and pockets drained. So we invest a great amount in different things.

I tend to invest more on my family (my mother's side) simply because I have a lot of emotional (and occasionally, financial) investments left in me. No boyfriend, FBs or lover on a Saturday night. That's why Sunday brunch, highlights of the week, the 'How are you?' and 'What happened to Grandma?' are done with my gay fashion designer uncle. I buy clothes with him, pig out and simply talk because I have the time and energy for him.

I also tend to invest more with my friends. Same situation. Friday night outs with my college friends, drinking til I fall asleep with Jackie and Jane while talking about everything with Holly who, as the certified olympian noticed, is actually like a boyfriend of sorts (but again, we are not lesbians...).

After some time, my brother did find a girl who said yes and I'm assuming she is also emotionally and financially investing in him. What's just sad is that I feel like I've lost so many things already, brother included.

Well, I still do have my sister who seems to always be there. As I've told my father: "You have a daughter who can't get over her family to start her own and you have a son who can't wait to start a family and forget his... where am I in this picture?"

Investing on you, whoever you are...

Someone Anxious.

Time vs. Timing

I guess if you know me, you know how much pressure I have to look old at work. Not only am I pressured to look like I'm 28 (which by now I have come to accept as an industry standard) but I'm also asked to act old. A task which, to some people, I've come to perfect with all the chaos my family life brought upon me.

I'm not really complaining. I like my life and I love what I do for a living (except when there are Devil Wears Prada and Sex and the City moments). I am grateful. It's just that...

...I miss being my age. Honestly, I miss being young.

I'm going to see Motion City Soundtrack tonight and I've been catching up with some songs. In their song Timelines, there's a line that goes: "It's not a matter of time. It's just a matter of timing." This made me think. This song is quite different from all of the other one's I used to listen to during a hot Saturday before band practice. Did J.P. grow old too just like me? In my head, the whole band is in this vacuum with my 15 year old self.

I've been wearing a lot of sneakers during the weekends to remind myself that I'm not 28, I'm not married and I don't need to walk through the mall in my suit. I guess, what I'm trying to say is, I'm tired of pretending.

Even up to now, 30 minutes before I'm about to meet up with my friends for the concert, I still don't know what to wear... I'm pretty sure my RL polo shirts are out of place. Checking my closet earlier, I have nothing but those and now I know I am tired. I'm tired of being 30 and I miss being 21.

One thing is for sure...

I'm leaving my work mandated "wedding ring" at home tonight. Tonight is the night to be young (this sounds like a cliche line from a song).

And even though I know they are not playing it tonight, I'll be listening to Hold Me Down simply because I want to be reminded how to be 15 again.

Remembering,

Someone Anxious.

Staying Positive

"There will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all apt to expect too much; but then, if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere."

- Jane Austen (Mansfield Park)

I'd like to think that everyone has their quirks. We all have a bad side... a side in which we are at times (constantly) ashamed of. Comparable to Yin and Yang, we all have a good and bad side that makes us who we are. For example, I know that one of my better traits would be being proactive (which I got from 2 years of high school military training) and the worst part of me comes from my inner attention whore. Again, the good side and the bad.

Recently, I've been granted a special trip to Singapore (yet again) with people that I don't normally hang out in a personal level. Let's just say that I am grateful for getting to know them more... their good sides and their bad ones, both.

Why?

Simply because I believe that we should accept people as a whole. Their quirks might hit us from time to time and we might actually feel like throwing them off a building if we had a chance, but nevertheless, we are people and we need to interact. Besides, what is life without a little drama, eh?

Over the year (I feel so old as I type that phrase), I've also come to realize that the secret in getting to know people would be staying positive. Move over, Mr. Pessimism (which oddly enough, reminds me of a person I once considered a friend), life is all about the positive side of things.

I look forward to what people can do rather than what they cannot (blame my Catholic school upbringing). I look forward towards people's jokes, witty remarks and intelligent questions rather than judge them solely on a sarcastic remark, plain answers and incomprehensible statements. More importantly, I look forward to what they can offer me rather that what remains to their debt.

I do this without any bias, without expecting anything in return. In the end, I take great comfort in knowing that I always turn towards man's ability to be better.

Forgetting Disappointments,

Someone Anxious.

Mute.

According to my doctor, I'm on voice rest for the next few days until my voice comes back to normal. So far, I've encountered people calling me mute, whispering back to me (as if I can't hear) and my father asking me to read a text aloud while he's driving (insensitivity or plain forgetfulness? IDK.)

Honestly, I don't mind these days of silence.

A good thing, at least I don't have to answer phone calls (which I'm still a bit afraid of). I don't have to talk/bite back regarding a remark which should give me plus points to go to heaven. More importantly, I don't have to talk to people who don't really interest me.

I'm pretty sure my voice will be up and about by Monday but for the meantime, I'll be here...

...Silent,

Someone Anxious.

One Less Color.

Let's admit it, there are people in our lives that, we assume, will always be where we left them. Just like Benjamin Button when he left his 'Momma' to see the world, he left his mother knowing that she will be there in that home when he decides to return.

That's exactly how I felt with Ms. V.

I met her almost 5 years ago. My last term for my first year in college. She was always full of color. Splashes of red, blue, pink and yellow. A ribbon here, a trinket there and a hundred charms, crystals and bangles around her arm. She was such a colorful force to reckon with.

Over my stay, she was the most sincere person I ever knew there. If she could, she would. Gate passes for guests we forgot to endorse, sheets of paper, letters to professors... if she could give it, she would. Despite everything, I will always be most grateful for her company. Frances and the gang knew that once we opened those doors, her smile and her greeting was there and we only had to ask to know how we can get what we were looking for.

Not too many people knew that she would keep me company when I was all alone running errands for my course organization. She would talk to me, help me out and even ask if I needed anything.

At a time when I felt like I could not depend on anyone, she was there. My mistake is that I always thought she will be there. I can never imagine visiting and not seeing that burst of color greeting me with a sincere smile. Loosing the most colorful person you know makes your life seem like it has one less color to focus on.

Crying a little,

Someone Anxious.

Reading

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Aside from writing more, I also promised myself that for this year, I will be reading more. The latter part of last year, my brain had no stimulation at all. With the job transfer, moving out, settling in and my family trip, I had no time to actually just sit at home and read.

This year, I've decided to start reading more and I bought Tess Gerritsen's The Silent Girl. The goal is to read 2 books a month (one fiction and one business for work).

I've also decided to change my blog. I've decided that it's time to move on from this whole love sick trying to get over you phase and simply just write. This year, I'll be writing about experiences. I'll be writing about new places. More importantly, I'll be writing about what I'm thankful for. I'm tired of thinking about what I can't have. 2013 is all about being grateful and that's what I'll do!

Thankful,

Someone Anxious.