Passports.

It's been almost a year and a half when I started doing things alone.Ever since I moved near the university during my last year of college and to my dad's right after, I've never really done things alone.

I remember how my officemate laughed when I told her how I was so confused with the supermarket's big cart and small cart policy. Where I came from, there was only one type of cart and one type of lane. What the hell is a blue cart check out lane?

Even airports seem so much harder alone. During a trip, the Certified Olympian was probably amused on how lost I looked in the airport. To be honest, airplane flights was always so easy. When I went abroad, I would simply follow my mom who talked to someone and we'd, my brother and I, went to where she told us to go and do what she told us to do. Then she kept us company in the boarding area while we waited. Before we boarded, we said our goodbyes and she'd leave the airport while we entered the plain.

Everything was so simple with a parent around. Now, I have to get used to doing things alone.

I guess tomorrow will be another test. For the first time, I'm going to renew my passport alone.

I've never done this alone before. My mom (or her boyfriend as I recall me previous passport) would always come with me and my brother to the Department of Foreign Affairs. We would always talk to someone and we would wait and then there was it. Our new passport. It always felt so simple because someone was there to tell us what to do and how to do it.

Moments like these make me want to be young again. Oh well, we grow older and we have to do things on our own. Maybe growing older is just that... doing things on our own.

Someone Anxious.

Because certain people are more than just people to you...

...they are your friends.

Another spontaneous adventure. The other night, an old high school friend sent a text telling me that there's an impromptu meet up since one of us is leaving for the states on the 4th. So, I jumped at the chance to see my high school friends, simply because I miss them and we never fail to have some fun every time we're together. 

I guess it's nice to feel like you're growing on the same pace as others. 

S.A.

That fine line.

There are a lot of fine lines in this world. For example, the fine line between being chivalrous and being sexist (as I mentioned here). Today, I also realized that there's a fine line between being civil and being fake. In fact, a lot of people think that just because your civil to someone, you're being fake to them. These people forget that being civil with someone means you're still sincere to them.

And a little sincerity goes a long way.

However, I know there are different types of people out there and that they are often sincere on what they say and feel. An angered retort is sincere simply because it is genuinely out of anger. A gloomy greeting is sincere because the person who greeted is genuinely blue. I believe people are only truly worthwhile when they try to be as sincere and civil to others, even to those who they truly loath. If they are not, they are just big bullies who never got over being king of the playground.

You know, you don't have to be the loser kid in high school to be bullied. Bullying and being picked on comes in so many different forms. 
Lady Gaga 

There is always a better way of saying things the same way there is always a way to never make others around you feel like less than they are. The more we say negative things, fall into negative practices and follow negative advice, the more we are less of ourselves.

Just a thought.

Someone Anxious

Baby Names and Thoughts.

Apparently, everyone is getting more responsible.

An old friend of mine (although we're merely acquaintances if you think about it) is giving birth in a few days and I just found out the name she's planning to give her baby. Funny how a few years ago we were nothing but children riding home from school talking about our Accounting assignments and our English play. Apparently, everyone is getting a little bit older and becoming more responsible.

I used to think that I want kids and the idea of being such a young mom used to entice me so. But now I realized that I'm not the type to be a parent and have kids at all! Think about it. I'm irresponsible, practically reckless and a little bit insensitive. At the same time, I sleep like a log (I will never get out of bed just to change a diaper).

Thinking about things and I realized that unlike most people who know that they want to meet the love of their lives and have children with them, I'm happy being single. In fact, I think I'm not the type to get married and that's saying a lot because even if I have my period, I'm not going through my cuddles phase.

There's a line in Sabrina (1995) where Linus says: "I do believe in marriage... that's why I never got married." I believe that marriage may not be for everybody and even though I absolutely love weddings, I know deep in my heart that being married to someone will just bring out the worst in me. Besides, I believe that if someone is better off being alone than maybe they should just be. Exhibit A: my father.

Still, I am young (and I admit it). One day, I might change but as of the moment these are my thoughts.

Single,

Someone Anxious

Hello, world! A new venture to look out for…

Last Friday, Frances and I met to talk about a business venture we’ve been planning to do and I’m honestly excited to start.

What’s nice about Frances is the way we are both able to share ideas equally. Years in the university has taught us how to effectively work with one another to get the best results. In fact, I think out of everyone I’ve ever worked with back then, she’s the one person I can always have an honest output with. Maybe because we both know each other’s strengths or maybe because we know how we both think. I’m always amazed at how we brainstorm because we always come up with ideas that are so much better than my original thought.

I’m also excited because Frances finally gave me the opportunity to do something I’ve always wanted to do, and that’s sell my photo prints. I’m excited to see if people will actually want to spare a few and buy my prints and if they do, how enthusiastic are they to do so.

Overall, I think I’m also excited because I’ve been dreaming to earn a living from photography and I feel like this might be my chance to start. I’m not saying I’ll be selling framed works that will cost the buyer thousands nor am I expecting someone to buy my prints and ask me to sign them (yes, I’ll be selling unsigned prints). I won’t be numbering them either. I’m not delusional. I know I’m not a famous photographer. I’m simply a street photography enthusiast and I’d like to make a couple of extra cash and maybe even get my name out there.

However, I’m wary about getting my hopes up. The last time I was excited about something, it turned out to be one of those ‘Much Ado About Nothing’ moments again. Hopefully, things will be different next time.

To ventures!

Someone Anxious.

Sexist.

For someone who would often remind me that I’m too “chubby” for my own good and for someone who would at times make me feel unattractive through certain jokes, I often wonder why he would often get mad at me for going out at night. After all, who am I possibly ever going to bait? What annoys me the most is that for a man who only truly met me a year ago, he’s quick to think that a woman like me is quite defenseless. Funny how he’s never seen me win a Taekwondo competition, get beaten up, run after and fight off a snatcher or go home and leave for school two hours later.

Women today are quite different. We are no longer brainwashed to be the damsels in distress. In fact, I think we’ve quite outgrown that. Yes, we may be more adventurous but we are also more cautious. We are not stupid. We know that there are people out there who would intentionally harm us simply because we are born with a vagina instead of a penis. Thus, we avoid those people. We know that there are places out there that can swiftly make us easy targets simply because we have breasts. Thus, we avoid those places. Again, we are not stupid. We seek adventure not danger.

I’m not saying that you should stop reminding us to stay safe because I know you only say those things because you care. I know that even though I text you at night and tell you I’m on my way home, you still call five minutes later because you’re a little bit paranoid about your 21 year-old little princess.

But there’s a fine line between caring and oppressing someone. The same way there is a fine line between being chivalrous and being sexist.

So when you scream at me and tell me that I’m a girl and imply that I cannot (for the love of everything that there is) protect myself and that there are people out there who will do me harm, I tell you this:

Bad things happen to both men and women. A man can be raped almost the same way a woman can. A man can be robbed the same way a woman can. A man can be shot the same way a woman can. A man can be beaten to death the same way a woman can. In the end, regardless of our sex, orientation and preference, we all simply die.

So the next time you scream at me and tell me that I am helpless to the bad things that will surely happen to me, calmly say it this way:

"I know you’re brave and you’re prepared. I know that you are not helpless and that to some extent, you can defend yourself. But remember, be cautious of where you go, how you go there and the people you meet while you’re there. Be cautious of what you drink and what could happen. I trust you but remember to stay safe."

Only when you can calmly remind me to stay safe and sincerely say those lines to me will I truly feel that I am safe because no matter how young you want to be perceived or how cool you want to be, you’re still a little bit sexist.

And being that is so old school.

Well, you can’t teach old dogs new tricks.

- Someone Anxious.

A Little Musical Inspiration: Camera Obscura

On the bus radio, "Fifty ways to leave your lover alone."

I laughed at the irony.

But life is stupid, the irony all lost on me.

It got lost on me.

Camera Obscura - The Sweetest Thing

I absolutely love Camera Obscura! Every time I'm down or every time I sense the blues coming, I listen to them and everything seems so much better. Everything has meaning and I don't feel so lonely, sad or blue. 


-Someone Anxious