Heartbreak Warfare.

A friend is currently experiencing some heartbreak with another close friend of mine. Somehow, I can't help but think that we, people, are so complicated simply because we can never ever have what we want.

I was watching Wall Street 2 last night/early this morning and there was a line in which S.LB describes insanity as doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result. In this case, are we insane for pursuing someone repeatedly?

Is love simply... insanity?

How much do you love someone? Are you willing to loose hours of sleep, wads of cash and your mental health for him or her?

Thinking about it,

S.A.

2013

"Laugh until we think we'll die. 

Barefoot on a summer night...

... Never could be sweeter than with you."

 -Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros, Home.

 

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A few months ago, I made a declaration to the universe. Theoretically it was a very simple goal in which Holly thought was funny and Janey felt like it was totally me to say so.

I said that I'll get married by 2013.

I didn't say it simply because I was sad and lonely. I didn't say it because I was jealous with Janey's romance with Indie or Holly's superb sex life with his beau. I said it simply because I felt like I wanted it...

I know this is such a weird goal and it doesn't really go with my whole facade (nor my "By the time I reach 30 plan"). But, I'm so sick and tired of being against love or being stingy about it that I think this is the best time in my life to just take a leap of faith.

There were times when I don't believe in it (sometimes I still don't). I've seen enough broken and lifeless marriages in my lifetime to know that we don't always marry what we want. But, I still believe (as I told Janey), that I deserve and will have something as clear as water and as innocent as teddy bear hugs.

I guess, what I'm saying is that I more open to it at this very moment than I am most of the time.

That's a good thing, right?

Let's face it. I'll still fall in love with jerks, hypocrites and cry babies. I'm pretty sure one night stands with a couple of  mama's boys and all around A.holes will be involved. But then, at least I'm trying. I'm smiling while I'm trying and I won't be so negative about it.

When the situation is right... we will meet, my love.

Less than three months to go for 2013.

For the meantime, let me practice my nonchalant face (remove my searching eye) and flirting lines.

Practicing,

Someone Anxious

I know I know I know

Another Friday Night Out with my college friends passed last week and I can't help but wonder how people have certain things stuck in their heads (most likely) forever.

I can't blame them. It's stuck on mine too (most likely) forever.

I've been thinking about the things that we can't forget. Case and point: Him. If you know me well, you might  know that I used to have a high school sweetheart of sorts. He was my first boyfriend and, sadly, my first missed kiss. I wasn't really in love with him. In fact, I'm not really sure why I was with him. It was weird to have someone as your boyfriend and just feel like you were someone's psychiatrist. It didn't feel right when you wanted to be open about it but had to hide it just in case the nuns would find out or worse, his sister.

It honestly didn't feel right and that's why I couldn't forget about it.

I was watching My Best Friend's Wedding the other week and I thought: "Hey, that's me there." I'm Julia Roberts. Why? Because even though I knew it didn't feel right and I can never ever stop ranting how not up to par he is, I still can't forget about him. That scene where she rages on about how Michael was in love with him for all those years is the same scene that happens when I meet up with Holly (except no weddings are mentioned).

Do I love him? That's why I can't forget him? I do. But there's not enough there to be with him. I guess it's one of those I love him but I'm not in love with him.

And (in true Tegan and Sara) fashion,

I know I know I know,

I'm still your love.

Someone Anxious.