Things I said I'll never do but I did them anyway...

When I was younger, I was pretty sure of what I wanted in life. I bet everyone had them... those little sentences in your head that told you of who you wanted to be or what you wanted become. For example: I'm going to have a dog and name him Charlie. 

Yes, those little sentences. Remember them now? Well, I remembered mine last night as I was in transit and I've come to realize that all those things I said I'll never ever in my whole life would do... well... I did them anyway. Let me share them with you.


1.) I'll never smoke / I'll never become a smoker.
Well. Yes. I am a habitual smoker. Formed out of the habit of trying to be cool, I've become addicted to nicotine. Unlike the many men that I've kissed, a cigarette stays with you until its very end.  It will give you pleasure, help you release tension and is always there when you're alone in crowded (smoking) room.

2.) I'll never drink alcohol.
There was a time - I do admit - that I was addicted to my Taekwondo training. I was seriously in to it and if it weren't for my doctor's orders maybe I would still be. Part of the training was to watch what you intake. No softdrinks, no junk food, no sweets, no smoking and no alcohol. I honestly thought that I was going to live a very clean life. I never really thought I would develop a taste for beer, wine or anything alcoholic when I was training.

3.) I'll never work inside an office.
Yes. When I was younger, I knew (or thought I knew) what type of work I exactly wanted. I always told myself that I wanted to be in the field, never really have a desk  and be stuck there for certain periods of time everyday for the rest of my life. In short, I never really wanted to work inside an office. Now, I've come to realize that working in an office from eight to five is actually a blessing. Not to many people have a boss that leaves work at work and understands that you have another life beyond your desk. I have time to go out, watch the primetime shows, have my laundry done, play video games and all those things that I need to keep me sane in this crazy mixed up world.

4.) I'll never want to teach.
I remember this quite vividly. I was in high school, my last few months of bliss before I start over again in college and my friend told me of a saying that goes: Those who can they do but those who can't do... they teach. Back then I agreed totally, laughing my heart out. Now, I've come to realize that teaching is one of the most gratifying things in the world. Even though I'm no way a teacher, I think college made me realize that I want to be at some point in my life. Maybe that's what drew me into training to begin with.

5.) I'll never sleep with someone.
Okay, I just want to say that I'll find it hard to ever explain this without sounding explicit and very much not myself. I do admit that I'm not the good girl that some think of me but I am a good person (yes, I will say this with conviction). Growing up, you can say I was really religious and I never really thought I would stray from that. Avid mass-goer and somewhat bible reader, there was a point in my life when I said I'll never really sleep with anyone. I've changed a lot this past year and event though I still know what's right from wrong (or so I think so) this thing that I said I'll never do, I did it anyway.

6.) I'll never give money importance.
I think to really just explain this I have to say that loosing it all gives you a lot of perspective. Before, money wasn't really a factor and you can say that I lived in ignorant bliss. Things change, you loose it all and you grow up, you've come to realize that there are some ideals you'll have to forget and some accepting you have to do. Yes. Money, in more ways than one, makes the world go round and if you want to survive, you'll need it more than ever.

7.) I'll never see him again.
I've wrote it a million times in this blog, in my other blogs and in almost all of my diaries. I always said that enough was enough and I'm over it. I'm okay and through with it. Yes. Well, I do admit that even though I pledged/vowed/promised that I'll never see him again, I saw him again and again and again. Every time I do so, I keep thinking about my ideas on never smoking again and yes, it makes me appreciate a cigarette even more.

There are a lot of things in this world that I think I'll still never do and maybe I'll break them in the future. Still, I've come to realize that people change and even if they do, they're not a bad person for doing so. Maybe my 15 year old self hates me right now for everything I've done but at least my present self can say that so far, I think I'm having a lot of adventures that makes life worthwhile.

Until my next,

Someone Anxious.