Heads We Will and Tails We'll Try Again...

Holly was such a big fan of The Calling. In fact, she absolutely adored Alex Band. She was the one who introduced me to them and eventually, to Santana's Why Don't You and I (w/c Alex Band was a part of).

Browsing through some random videos in YouTube, I've come across the song again and it felt heartwarming and saddening to hear it after a long time. Hearing it brought me back to my childhood days where we would ride the bus home and sing our lungs out to Maroon 5 or whatever song we seem to like (including Why Don't You and I). It's heartwarming because I remember carefree days and it's saddening because I know I can never have it back... I can never have my old purple room back, the rabbit wallpaper, my library, our lazy boy and the house that I wanted to get married in. I can never have it back and I think, I'll never ever come to terms with that. No matter how many times I write about it or cry about it, I can never ever have it back. In fact, I think I can never ever get over it. I'm still affected just like the way I'm affected with CSI.

I keep telling the girls that I'm so affected by Grissom and Sara (characters from CSI) breaking up. I was such a big fan and the show practically took over part of my tweenie years. I was obsessed! I was so obsessed that I suddenly had high scores in science because I decided I wanted to be a CSI (as if that's really feasible in this country).

The truth is, I'm affected not because I really want them to be together. But I'm affected because if there was one thing I was right about in this world was that they would (and they did) end up together. I was so adamant and during the days that nobody deemed me to be right with anything, Grissom running after Sara in Costa Rica made me realize that I had every right to be... right. It may not come often, but if I observe enough (I didn't want to use 'follow the evidence' - too cliche), my hypotheses can be right.

CSI also brings me comfort. It reminds me of the days when I could stay up late to watch TV on a Sunday night before school starts the next day. It reminds me of days when we would go to the grocery together (my mom, my sister and my brother) and try to finish everything before 12 so we can hurry home and watch the Sunday recap. It reminds me of Wednesday nights when my sister and I would watch the latest episode over popcorn (she wasn't a health freak then). It reminds me of a time when my brother and I had a common interest simply because we exchanged passing words over what happened to the last episode.

CSI reminds me of better - albeit past - days. Maybe that's why I keep watching it. I may never have those days again or my old purple room or the rabbits that kept my walls company. I may never be able to see the books that kept me and my library busy or our worn down beige colored lazy boy that my sister adored. I may never again set foor in the cream colored, green roofed house that had the most beautiful garden with a blue tiled outdoor area where I wanted to host my wedding party. But I still have stories of Sin City and the crimelab and how two people everyone kept telling me was wrong for each other actually ended up together (and now separating). I still have a crush on Greg Sanders and I still like bugs (just not roaches).

I don't have much and loosing it all affected me more than anyone will ever know but I still have the things that I like. So I apologize if I talk about CSI or old things that interest me too much. I'm just...

...Coping,

Someone Anxious.

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

"Out there things can happen

and frequently do

to people as brainy

and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,

don't worry.  Don't stew.

Just go right along.

You'll start happening too."

 - Oh, the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss

I've had great plans for this post and I'm not sure I can do it justice with how I feel now. Just this afternoon, I  lost my cool (which has been happening quite recently) and just like in You've Got Mail, I feel awful... really awful because I can't not have heart for these things nor can I stomach the idea of loosing people's good faith.

Still, after watching It Takes Two and reminiscing about the days when the Olsen twins where my idols and Kirstie Alley did not have to loose so much pounds to feel beautiful, I realized that maybe, just maybe, I can still write about the things that I am so happy/grateful for.

This is it:

I guess I'm pretty lucky. For the past three weeks, I've been travelling non-stop.  I'm not sure if I blogged about this already but the reason why I was so adamant to go into what I do now is because of the idea of travelling for a living. Given that I don't always get the opportunity to do a lot of it, but there are moments when the universe just gives you what you want.

Place No. 1: Caramoan

A long over due out of town trip with my college friends was what exactly I needed to sort of relax and just forget about the downside of work. We've been planning to go to the beach for about two years now and finally - after 12 hours inside a bus and 2 hours sitting right next to a stranger in a boat filled that smelled like urine, there we were! Caramoan!

photo credit to our tour guide who climbed what they call the "lagoon"

Let me just say that Frances did an amazing job to find us a budget tour that had it all. We had decent lodgings, snorkling, island hopping and three full meals. Rides to the port included! Honestly, if I had all the money in this world, I'll just buy an island and set up a house (with a decent bathroom) and live there. Then again, we all know that some dreams may not really happen in real life so let's just settle with me telling you all about our trip.

The best part for me would be drinking fresh coconut juice in the middle of the ocean. One of the stops during the island hopping tour was a secluded beach where there were floating cottages and a man selling fresh coconuts. Given that the water (which was a clear blue) was waist high and the sand was so fine, we decided to grab some coconuts and drink while swimming.

Place No. 2: Antipolo

A week after I came back from Caramoan (including a first time trip to Solaire's International Buffet, Fresh) I had a work trip to Antipolo. It's always nice to try out a new place but the truth is, because it's for work, you don't get to do much except take a few (wacky) photos in the morning.

Here's me trying to show off the sun:

Place No. 3: Cagayan Valley

Another work trip that came a day after the Antipolo trip. I was scheduled to accompany a colleague to Nueva Vizcaya (another first) for four days. The view was amazing but what I will really remember from this trip would be the little critters everywhere. Moths would fly about and the Grissom in me couldn't help it. I absolutely loved opening my window every morning and seeing a bunch plastered about as if they were stickers.

Cagayan Valley had amazing weather also! Honestly, it felt like I was in another country. By the time 4pm rolled about, the weather starts to get cooler. I had no use for the room aircon at all! By 9pm, it's so cold that the only thing you could do was to snuggle and fall asleep.

I guess I really am blessed and even though I'm physically tired of shuffling myself from one place to another, from one airport or plain old port and a knapsack to a full RL luggage, it is and always will be worth it.

Caramoan will always remind of the water and how I miss swimming so much.

Cagayan Valley will always remind me of my dreams... how I always wanted to be a CSI (like Grissom who is an Entomologist).

And Antipolo will always remind me of the amazing view I encountered and how I realized that there is a place close to home that can be as serene as those Elizabeth Bennett experienced in Pride and Prejudice.

The best part from all of these trips? Well, it's not over yet. Tomorrow, I'm off to Batangas and even though it is a bit close to home, it is still a trip nonetheless. I'm looking forward dozens to dozens of Buko Pie and maybe a Balisong if I'll ever get a chance.

More importantly, tomorrow I'll be thinking about Dr. Seuss and so, I will end this the same way I started it.

"With banner flip-flapping,

once more you'll ride high!

Ready for anything under the sky.

Ready because you're that kind of a guy!"

-Oh, the Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss (yet again)

Staying Positive,

Someone Anxious