Everybody wants to feel special. Truth be told, people do things the way they do because they want to be unique... different. Whether it's getting special treatment in a department store or getting the best tables in a restaurant, everybody just wants to feel special.
In a way, I want to feel special to him.
The thing is, everything he does makes me feel special (even though there's nothing special about it). My heart is clogging up my senses and all of a sudden everything he does is for me. Then, you see something (a piece of evidence) and you realize that you're not special at all... especially to him.
Sad, but it's the truth.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Cringe.
Do you ever feel like cringing simply because you suddenly remembered something about him?
Happens to me all the time actually.
Sometimes, it's not even a memory. Recently, even random moments (somewhat associated with him) make me cringe and all of a sudden I feel like I want to throw up. I always thought that this was because I'm trying to get over him. If you think about it, I cringe with just the very thought of him... What more if I saw him, right?
Yesterday, I saw him and I didn't even cringe at all. In passing, there were a few nods and a smile. Nothing to actually spark conversation and I think it was because I was in a group. Then, when I was alone and I bumped into him, there it was.
No cringing just a touch, a peck on the cheek and similar conversations like before.
I really can't hate him. No matter how much I (sort of) hate him and no matter how much I don't want to; I just couldn't help it. I really couldn't. I still "like" him and I've realized that I shouldn't fight it. I shouldn't tell myself that I shouldn't or that eventually I won't. I'll just have to live with it and eventually (hopefully) a day will come when I really don't.
Cringing as I write this,
Someone Anxious
Happens to me all the time actually.
Sometimes, it's not even a memory. Recently, even random moments (somewhat associated with him) make me cringe and all of a sudden I feel like I want to throw up. I always thought that this was because I'm trying to get over him. If you think about it, I cringe with just the very thought of him... What more if I saw him, right?
Yesterday, I saw him and I didn't even cringe at all. In passing, there were a few nods and a smile. Nothing to actually spark conversation and I think it was because I was in a group. Then, when I was alone and I bumped into him, there it was.
No cringing just a touch, a peck on the cheek and similar conversations like before.
I really can't hate him. No matter how much I (sort of) hate him and no matter how much I don't want to; I just couldn't help it. I really couldn't. I still "like" him and I've realized that I shouldn't fight it. I shouldn't tell myself that I shouldn't or that eventually I won't. I'll just have to live with it and eventually (hopefully) a day will come when I really don't.
Cringing as I write this,
Someone Anxious
Thursday, June 2, 2011
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