Another Wasted Outfit

As my day comes to an end, I realize that I have wasted another beautiful outfit.

Every morning, I wake up a little earlier than usual with thoughts of you in my head. I know, from the edge of my soul, that your name unconsciously slips off my lips as I struggle to open my eyes and embrace a day knowing that you don't even think of me. So, everyday I wake up a little earlier than usual to choose the perfect outfit that would make you think of me once again. Everyday I wake up a little earlier to take a comforting shower wishing I was using your bath scents instead. Then, I would choose what I think is the perfect outfit and at the back of my mind I know that I'm doing so simply because I'm still hoping of bumping into you.

So, everyday I wake up a little earlier than usual and as I put on a supposedly perfect outfit I think of you and if you'd like it. I think of how do you like my hair, tied up or loose in all its glory. I think of you possibly thinking of me... possibly wanting more with me.

I walk towards my destination, carelessly pretending that you are walking beside me, talking to me and treating me as your equal. Of course, I know you're not really there and I know that you never would treat me as such but I find the idea comforting so I indulge myself despite what seems to be insanity for my part. Then, a cup of coffee and a few cigarettes later I realize that waiting for you on this bench is fruitless and I go on with my day hoping to see at least a glimpse of you.

I tell everybody I'm fine and that I'm okay with it. Taking the high road supposedly is my new motto right now and people believe me because I have the most deceptive smile - years of theater classes paying off admirably. Only a few people notice the extra attention I give to myself. Close friends don't even notice it. Still, I'm the only one who knows why I really do this... why I really torture myself and wake up a little earlier than usual.

I do it because I hope that one day I bump into you and I'm wearing a beautiful outfit that would make you think of me once again.

Today, I woke up a little earlier than usual.

Today, another perfect outfit was wasted.

Not sure if I'm still looking forward for tomorrow,

Someone Anxious.