2014 Home Improvements

So, it has come to that time of the year when I start making some changes in my living space.

I've already changed my furniture arrangements; going back to the original scheme of things and maximizing my room space. I've also started de-cluttering and I'll be throwing out a couple of things along the way. Feel free to drop by if you want to catch some old clothes...

For the moment, I'll be focusing on my wall art. As most of you may know, early on my move to my own place, I had some electric tape wall art put up. It was always a dream of mine and I always thought it would be a great way to release some pent up artistic energy. Frances has so much photos of my wall from the gang's overnight stay that it has become a staple already. But like so many things in life, I think it is time to change.

Improvement No. 1.) Work Station

I've decided to create a work station and free my work chair of the many clothes and little items that found itself seated on that specific area. To replace the electric tape art, I hung my cork board panel beside the table. Next step, buy an illustration board that I will frame as a chalk board to keep my life on track.

Improvement No. 2.) Coat Organizer

I've decided to buy some hooks to screw behind my front door. These will be my improvised coat hanger as my closet is already full. I'll also be hanging my bags from time to time. To do so, I removed some drawings I've placed early last year.

Improvement No. 3.) Shoe Rack

I will be making my improvised shoe rack by this weekend. I'm not totally decided if I will just buy and redecorate or make one from scratch. Regardless, I will be posting photos by Sunday morning. Hopefully, things will look better then.

Looking forward to a more productive 2014 ahead!

Someone Anxious

New Year = New Photo Challenge

Again, it's been a long time since I posted and I guess the usual update is due.

Update 1: Got sick... again!
Yeah, I've been getting sick recently and I don't exactly relish going to the ER and draining all my savings for meds. But still... happy to be alive and all that jazz.

Update 2: New Year's Resolution
I've been thinking about 2013 and how it flew by so fast. I wasn't really able to do majority of what I said I'll do (which happened to be 'Get Married' - thank, God!) but I'm still grateful for the many opportunities that came my way.

To ensure that 2014 will be a little bit different, I've decided to start the year with a little photo challenge for myself via zramphotography.

For more info, visit: http://zramphotography.wix.com/online

This little project will hopefully give me the boost I've been craving for to complete "Strangers" for MoarBooks and to spend more time doing the things I really love like... photography!

I'm also looking forward to buying new equipment this year. Aside from my usual Holga 35mm TLR, I've decided to buy an instax camera and a new digital camera to really boost my productivity. Plus. I never got to really do a photowalk last year. I've been meaning to ask Janey but maybe after her trip to SG.

So far, exciting 2014 ahead and I'm also planning a lot of professional changes as well. I know it's time that I really walk my talk and I can't wait to meet with Holly, Jackie and Janey to talk about it. Hopefully, we'll meet soon.

Cheers,

Someone Anxious.

My Life in a Suit: Work Trips

It's been a long time since I've posted something in this in this blog. Work has officially taken over my life and for the first time in a long time, I'm beginning to think I'm not cut out for this job.

 But as part of what I tell people during our programs, one sure way to counter "negativity" is to think about the positive things that you appreciate about your current situation. So, here it goes and this short post is dedicated to everyone who I miss dearly (girlaloos and college friends alike).

I think I've mentioned it here before that a big chunk of my time is spent travelling from one place to another. For those of you who don't me, I don't know why you're reading my blog but, I'm a (trying hard, wannabee) consultant. I work for an organization full-time and we do what I always thought I would be doing after college - travel and feel important.

But beyond the superficialities of my previous paragraph, everyone should know that it took me some time for me to do what I do. I started at the bottom and the rat race wasn't so kind to me at the beginning. I worked for minimum wage and eventually got lucky from there. I got transferred, my boss became my mentor (somewhat) and I ended up working with a team rather than for one.

I like what I do because I feel that I'm important. I'm not saying this because I'm vain although I am. I'm saying this because I feel like what I do has a purpose and changes a lot of people's lives. Part of my job is to talk to people and remind them to look at the brighter side of things. I help them understand that what they do contributes to the bigger picture. In short, I feel important because I help remind others that they are important.

One great perk which I am experiencing right now is that I'm in a nice suite watching TV from a flat panel screen. Although I'm due to send a report any minute now, I'm taking the time to enjoy this. After all, I might not be able to do this with my own resources so might as well sit back and relax.

There's always something nice about the idea of traveling for a living. It is extremely hard and I don't suggest it for people who have kids. But,

Blogging about it,

Someone Anxious

So Broke… But So Happy

Alexi mentioned this to us on our way home from such a random weekend day out. We were both short on cash and were highly dependent on our friend Jayt on the transport back home (my place) from the mountains.

The thing is: we were sincerely happy.

Let me tell it from the start:

Holly, Janey, Jackie and our friend CC planned this Halloween party. We (well, more of Holly), rented out a venue and invited people to come and spend the Saturday before Halloween with us. I thought it would be nice to also invite Frances and the group since we barely see each other during Halloween. So the plan was, Queenie goes to my apartment Saturday morning. Holly and the gang join us in the afternoon to pack candy bags (our giveaways) and then we will proceed to the venue. Frances and the rest (meaning Alexi) would follow as my guests.

For the party, Holly did a spectacular job organizing everything. Although, at some point I guess people kept ordering so we had a little “overspill”, I would still like to consider it as a success since people got free drinks, food and photos to remember the night.

I also joined what I mentally called as, the gasoline challenge. Holly bought this really cheap ass tequila that tasted and smelled like gasoline to me. I remember the four of us finishing a bottle once but I have no memories as to how it happened or what I did after. So for a good time, I decided to join and as it turns out, I was the only woman to join. Luckily, I got booted during the second round so I still had my wits with me while talking to Frances and the group.

I guess at this point, everything was going as I thought it was. But the thing with my brain, it only processes until a certain point. For example, during our trip to the beach and I was in charge of transportation, I prepared the going there but never the going home…  It didn’t come as a surprise that after the party, I ended up with Frances, Queenie, Alexi and Jay in a KTV place somewhere in the city. Needless to say, we went back to my place at around 4am equipped with the best kind of bedroom voice – a tired one.
We woke up at around 9am and had a very late lunch. We were looking for things to do and we just ended up going up to the mountains and on top of one of the largest Ferris wheel in the country. Can I just say, I’m not a big fan of heights? I really don’t like heights. I love roller coasters and rides but when it’s slow moving rides like the Ferris wheel or a stagnant view deck (SG’s Marina Bay Sands view deck for example), I just simply hate them. I get woozy, I feel like I’m falling (slow motion) and I’m more of a ground person. So I guess, during this random road trip up to the mountains and on a Ferris wheel, I somewhat conquered my fear of heights.

All in all, it was a nice long weekend to remember. Immediately the day after (less than 12 hours since we slept), I went up the mountains again with my uncle and grandmother for a simple brunch and walk around the outlet stores. I got a dress for a friend’s upcoming nuptials and although it will cost me a limb and arm to pay off (my uncle paid for it but I did promise to pay him back before the year ends), I’m glad. Seeing the look on my uncle and my grandmother’s eyes as I wore a perfect fit dress was priceless. Sharing a once in a lifetime Ferris wheel ride with Frances and Queenie, priceless. Playing video games with Jay and Alexi, priceless. Most importantly, continuing our Halloween tradition (Holly, Janey, Jackie and even CC), absolutely priceless. As Alexi said it: “I’m so broke, but I’m so happy…”

Another long weekend is upon us and I’m off to meet with my sister next Saturday (yes, she’s back – she’s back every month). I’m to pick her up in the airport and then we’re planning to have lunch in the city.
Looking forward to another priceless weekend,

Someone Anxious. 

Empowered-less

Yes, I know that the title is not really a grammatically correct one.

I guess it's weird to write after so long. I've been MIA because a.) work took over and in terms of priority, that's my number one and b.) I've been too tired to really write anything most days.  I guess, I'll take this short lunch break to let everyone know out there that I'm still alive but (just like the song) I'm barely breathing.

The funny thing about how I feel is that people always make you feel your empowered then your not. Work makes me feel that way most of the time and so does my family. I always feel like the only real choice I do make is which channel do I watch late at night when I can't sleep.

When I was growing up, I always envied adults because they make their own decisions. I thought, by this time, I've proven myself capable of deciding what I can and cannot do. But then again, I thought by this time I would be married to George Clooney or Prince Harry so I guess my judgement depreciates as seconds tick by.

The funny thing about this "growing up" is that it's totally different from "getting old". I've heard it many times over that wisdom does not necessarily come with age. But the thing is, how wise you are may not necessarily be an advantage when people can't see pass beyond your age. Yet again, I am a walking example that people will always judge the book by its cover.

I'd love to be empowered someday. To be trusted with the opportunity to talk the way I should deem to talk or walk the way I believe how to walk. Lastly, I would love to be trusted with the opportunity to be trusted. I guess it will never come easy so I should be content with simply being,

Someone Anxious.

Tired (in multiple ways)

I feel so tired.

And to think that I just came from a long weekend of fun.

Sometimes, I wonder if "this" is really worth it.

~

I'm constantly annoyed at how some people talk about individuality and flexibility when they themselves cannot change. This is stupid. It's either people think too much of you or they just simple belittle you. At the end of the day, people like me, who has had enough, would probably just leave to save our sanity.

~

Now that I'm able to write that out (in line with ranting it out later to Lucille), I guess I should apologize for not writing as often. Then again, I know not a lot of people read this to begin with so what's the point. Maybe, I should apologize to myself. I'm sorry self. You see, you don't like change and your adamant to succeed but then again, you should give yourself a break because this is already, in your belief, beyond you.

Nope, it's not the devil and in fact, you love the devil. If it was just the ruler of the underworld, you'd probably love the idea of taking over. It's the minions - or a specific one or two at that. You can't pinpoint it but you know that there comes a point where you just want to say: "F*ck off!"

Yeah.

F*ck off!

Alright, now that's said and done, it's about time to talk about stupidity. Am I stupid? Some people (even some of my closest friend) always, and without fail, makes me feel like I am. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Just because the things that interest them no longer interests me. Even though, I'm the one always making the 101% effort. Whatever. Yeah.. I guess, I am stupid. Happy now?

~

"What do you want to do?" she says in a tone that my ears are allergic to.

Truth is, I don't want to do anything. I want to write (but apparently I'm too stupid to write), sing (but I'm pants in Karaoke) and travel (but we can't afford it anymore). So what's left to do but do everything that you do and find a content in the middle of things.

~

The weather outside is not helping because every time I get wet, I wonder if anyone out there would share their umbrella with me... Weather just makes me feel lonely and I guess I should get used to it. I am (even with friends) a lonely sad old lady who has mastered the art of the fake laugh.

~

Can't you see I'm tired? It's your turn to ring my bell, knock on my door and offer me a doughnut.

Please do.

Because I can't just be, and always will be,

Someone Anxious.

Life in a Suit: The City

Let's talk about the city...

No, I'm not talking about the city and that hit show where fashion and acts of the night are up and about. I'm talking about the city where I currently work where people are trying to pave a good walking experience (despite the smoke and the number of people constantly bumping you). I'm talking about the city I would like to dub thee as the 'Big M'.

After two years of working here, I realized that I'm quite familiar with everything already. From the restaurants, nearby shops, malls and its version of food trucks splattered on the sidewalks.

I'm used to the city.

But I don't live in it.

I'm fifteen minutes away from the city and on a good Saturday, I only need to catch a ride to the train and voila! Leisure time for me. On a working day, I take one of the shuttles that drops me off three blocks from my office. I love this walk and if I'm not rushing, I drop by a coffee shop along the way or near the back of my office building to buy a highly expensive cappuccino.

People are not as fashionable as you may think. A lot of times, people walk wearing flats or flip-flops. People leave their coats behind, unless their rushing to a meeting and are covered by the usual jacket or cardigan. Most of the time, a sea of black slacks would accompany you while waiting for the 'walking man' signal to turn green. During these moments, you are one of the urban workforce. You belong to a statistic of the employed (and hopefully, the dreamer). Sometimes, you might hear a man arguing on the phone or a bunch of girls with their office gossip. Nevertheless, you will always be accompanied by the last hurrah of an old, beaten down engine that is over its last miles.

Once you reach a nearby mall on a workday, the crowd becomes a force, a wave that will lead you to the train station if you do not counter their flow. Best thing to do would be to grab a bite before you tackle the commute home. An affordable sandwich is nearby if you want to feel like you are indeed in NY. You can eat on the steps of the mall center and pretend that behind you is some important building manufactured by history. If you feel rebellious, bars are quite open on a working day. They'd sell you cheap beer and give you a handful of peanuts while you light a cigarette and look important. Truthfully, I love this experience. Walking inside a restaurant, hitting straight for the bar while adjusting my suit to make yourself comfortable. Then, I light up a cig and I tell myself: "You had a pretty long day... at least your not jobless!"

However, the best part of my day would be the moment I step out of the office building with the sky not as dark as it ought to be. It feels early and I quickly put on my earphones. I smile and I start listening to my walking playlist. My step is a little bit faster when the song is upbeat and a little bit slower when I'm listening to something sad. It's that time of the day when you think: "Yeah, my personal time just started."

Because, honestly, the moment you wake up until your working hours end is all about work. It's all about finding the right outfit for work, rushing to be on time for work or even taking a bath because you don't want to smell when you're in work. It's not true that you can have lunch outside (unless you're having it with your own colleagues because you do work still while eating) or you can play hookie just like that (because you probably won't have work when they find out that you have no valid reason to take a leave that day).

Working in the city is hard and people always assume that it will be easy just like in the movies. I guess, what's keep me sane is the idea that when my work hours end, my personal one begins and that's why you have to get through the day.

So that's my life in a suit while working in the city. I hope you understand now why I find it so hard to meet at times. I also hope that you get it, that it's not that I'm pulling away, but I can't always extend the effort. The city is near, accessible and more affordable to me.

Suited,

Someone Anxious.