Mute.

According to my doctor, I'm on voice rest for the next few days until my voice comes back to normal. So far, I've encountered people calling me mute, whispering back to me (as if I can't hear) and my father asking me to read a text aloud while he's driving (insensitivity or plain forgetfulness? IDK.)

Honestly, I don't mind these days of silence.

A good thing, at least I don't have to answer phone calls (which I'm still a bit afraid of). I don't have to talk/bite back regarding a remark which should give me plus points to go to heaven. More importantly, I don't have to talk to people who don't really interest me.

I'm pretty sure my voice will be up and about by Monday but for the meantime, I'll be here...

...Silent,

Someone Anxious.

One Less Color.

Let's admit it, there are people in our lives that, we assume, will always be where we left them. Just like Benjamin Button when he left his 'Momma' to see the world, he left his mother knowing that she will be there in that home when he decides to return.

That's exactly how I felt with Ms. V.

I met her almost 5 years ago. My last term for my first year in college. She was always full of color. Splashes of red, blue, pink and yellow. A ribbon here, a trinket there and a hundred charms, crystals and bangles around her arm. She was such a colorful force to reckon with.

Over my stay, she was the most sincere person I ever knew there. If she could, she would. Gate passes for guests we forgot to endorse, sheets of paper, letters to professors... if she could give it, she would. Despite everything, I will always be most grateful for her company. Frances and the gang knew that once we opened those doors, her smile and her greeting was there and we only had to ask to know how we can get what we were looking for.

Not too many people knew that she would keep me company when I was all alone running errands for my course organization. She would talk to me, help me out and even ask if I needed anything.

At a time when I felt like I could not depend on anyone, she was there. My mistake is that I always thought she will be there. I can never imagine visiting and not seeing that burst of color greeting me with a sincere smile. Loosing the most colorful person you know makes your life seem like it has one less color to focus on.

Crying a little,

Someone Anxious.

Reading

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOpbxI1GaZIbFRHrEMn4l3eVLn4m6UOPvNe4qRpxLKMwoPqQzsNFXHbSoM-I65rKqkUXd5utIBKq7v5z-EfpTSapO_pYWpSXiHKLANrnh70ggikObBjAhyphenhyphenXMT14Bs4JEw53AGNf4ihId8/s1600/beautifulsecret.jpg

Aside from writing more, I also promised myself that for this year, I will be reading more. The latter part of last year, my brain had no stimulation at all. With the job transfer, moving out, settling in and my family trip, I had no time to actually just sit at home and read.

This year, I've decided to start reading more and I bought Tess Gerritsen's The Silent Girl. The goal is to read 2 books a month (one fiction and one business for work).

I've also decided to change my blog. I've decided that it's time to move on from this whole love sick trying to get over you phase and simply just write. This year, I'll be writing about experiences. I'll be writing about new places. More importantly, I'll be writing about what I'm thankful for. I'm tired of thinking about what I can't have. 2013 is all about being grateful and that's what I'll do!

Thankful,

Someone Anxious. 

Bored.

I'm so bored out of my mind here at home that I think it would be best if I just didn't take those leaves in the first place.

For the first part, my Christmas day was quite exciting. I finally took my uncle and grandmother to this French-Mediterranean restaurant C.O and her sister took me a couple of months back. I'm so happy that they liked the Foie Gras. pasta. Ended up shopping my way through the mall. Bought new shoes, shirt and pants. This made me wonder why my style is so tomboy-ish. Honestly, I think this is my uncle's influence on me. I end up walking with him through the men's section even before I go to the female!

Yesterday was spent in bed. Slept all the way until 2 in the afternoon. Had a late lunch of Christmas leftovers (which I felt like I had enough of by now) and continued on to dreamland. Woke up for Paella and Lamb dinner (Thanks, Dad!). Went straight back to my apartment and watched T.V. through the night. Was so bored that I fell asleep by 10 pm.

Woke up today at around 6 and was surprisingly out of things to do.

I'm thinking of going in the city today to get my phone fixed (as it has decided never to unlock again) and buy some more toiletries along the way. I'm also thinking of probably staying and asking Janey if she's game for a sandwich dinner (which I hope she is because I'm totally out of my mind right now).

Bored,

S.A.

Of Gifts and Friends...

Christmas is one of the best Holidays for me. I love giving gifts to my friends, thinking about what I should give them and how special the gift should be.

This year, I decided to give my officemates items that reminded me of them. For my college friends, I decided to give them items that I think might help them through their hectic days. Frances got a GC for Starbucks (since she's the only person I really know from the group that drinks designer coffee). For the boys, the girls chipped in for ties and I honestly feel like that's a bit of an accomplishment.

For family members, I got them items that are a mixture of something I think they need or I know they want. Case and point, I got my sister some issues of Archie (since I know that they are still quite her favorite but would never ever splurge on the digests).

However, one of my most accomplished gift moments would be for my good friend the C.O. who is somehow like a sister to me. I believe that when we are thirsty for guidance and appreciation, water is more precious than blood and she has always proven that point in my life. I will be always grateful to her and that is why I decided to give her a gift that I felt like sisters are supposed to give to their older sisters during this specific time of their life.

For the Girls (Jackie, Janey and Holly), I have something quite special for them. I hope you guys are reading this. If you do, tell me when all of you are free. :)

Christmas is the time to give to those you deem special in your life. I am constantly amazed at how so many people are always there for me. Granted that I may never have been that "nice" or accommodating to them, I feel like at least, from my side, I let them know how much I care for them.

To all those celebrating this time of giving...

...Happy Holidays!

-Someone Anxious.

Time.

Whatever this vacation has taught me, it is that we choose how we spend our time in this world.

>

It just so happened that I would rather spend time in this world not thinking about things I consider superficial. Like how much she's gained or how much he makes... I also like to spend my time feeling the sun against my skin instead of buying useless items of clothing that will eventually decay in my closet.

Whatever this vacation has taught me, it is that I have never been more lost to my family than I am now. That maybe, despite growing with them, I grew different (in their eyes, insensitive). The things that are really important to me are rarely important to them and now, more than ever, I've come to realize that the only thing we have in common in this world is time.

We all simply choose to spend time together despite the many differences, the annoyances and the insensitivity. We are but connected with something more vital than blood... and that is time.

Yes, I did have fun. I had a great time experiencing new things in a very different country. But again, the idea of living in such a place is so far off in my head. I'm too mischievous for such a country and I'm too lonely to start over again. What I hate the most is the force. The idea that people keep forcing me to do things that I am not inclined to do. I wonder, do they even know me enough to think about their suggestions? Or do they ask me to do things simply because it has worked for them?

Have I ever told you that I love the water? I'm a Pisces and all throughout my life, my grandmother has repeated again and again that I should love the water. Hell, that's only thing she's got right. I absolutely love the water.

Maybe it's wrong for me to say this but I guess I now understand why some simply drift apart.

Drifting,

S.Anxious.

Looking forward to... I think.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbuxz6n0FX1qiwclbo1_500.jpg

There's always something about family trips that you are not sure if you are looking forward to it or not. Even up to now, a couple of days away from my long awaited Family reunion/trip, I can't help but wonder if I really do want to spend time with my sister, my uncles and grandmother.

Ever since one of the worst Sundays my sister provided me during her last visit, I've been vigilant on keeping her on the down low about anything and everything that happens in my life. I've come to accept that we're just not that type of siblings. Yeah, I'd love to have a sister like Holly's but let's face it, my sister is just a whole different species of her own. The things that are important to her is rarely important to me (vice versa) and she can't see past my age.

The last time I shared something she ended up dismissing it and just simply ruined one fine Sunday I could have stayed done a 100 other different things. Instead, she makes me travel all the way to the south to tell me to quit my job (a midst a promotion of sorts) and look for a totally non-related job.

The thing that I hate the most about her (and my family in general) is that they never listen. They pretend to listen but they just simply nod, say yes and get mad when things don't go their way.

Am I excited to spend 5 whole days in my sister's living room? Not really.

Am I hoping that we'll have a better relationship out of this whole trip? Always.

Just in case, I'll bring my music player and drown my sorr