Time vs. Timing

I guess if you know me, you know how much pressure I have to look old at work. Not only am I pressured to look like I'm 28 (which by now I have come to accept as an industry standard) but I'm also asked to act old. A task which, to some people, I've come to perfect with all the chaos my family life brought upon me.

I'm not really complaining. I like my life and I love what I do for a living (except when there are Devil Wears Prada and Sex and the City moments). I am grateful. It's just that...

...I miss being my age. Honestly, I miss being young.

I'm going to see Motion City Soundtrack tonight and I've been catching up with some songs. In their song Timelines, there's a line that goes: "It's not a matter of time. It's just a matter of timing." This made me think. This song is quite different from all of the other one's I used to listen to during a hot Saturday before band practice. Did J.P. grow old too just like me? In my head, the whole band is in this vacuum with my 15 year old self.

I've been wearing a lot of sneakers during the weekends to remind myself that I'm not 28, I'm not married and I don't need to walk through the mall in my suit. I guess, what I'm trying to say is, I'm tired of pretending.

Even up to now, 30 minutes before I'm about to meet up with my friends for the concert, I still don't know what to wear... I'm pretty sure my RL polo shirts are out of place. Checking my closet earlier, I have nothing but those and now I know I am tired. I'm tired of being 30 and I miss being 21.

One thing is for sure...

I'm leaving my work mandated "wedding ring" at home tonight. Tonight is the night to be young (this sounds like a cliche line from a song).

And even though I know they are not playing it tonight, I'll be listening to Hold Me Down simply because I want to be reminded how to be 15 again.

Remembering,

Someone Anxious.