Not too many people know how I really feel and I think that I've been loosing strings as days pass. Let's face it, there are only a few who truly care to know and there's the rest of the world who tends to just think that everything is okay or that everyone is as strong as them. I'm not and I hate you for thinking that I am
People have no idea how much I don't feel like I belong. I certainly don't belong here in this house being locked by my uncle to watch over my grandmother. I also don't belong in my father's apartment where he constantly doesn't allow me to cook and I just waste my days watching the tele. And no matter how hard I try or no matter how many opportunities are given to me, I still feel like crap because at the end of the day, I'm stuck. Forget pleasing people. I'm stuck because the things I want to do or hanged in front of me and people simply expect me to run after it like a horse chasing a carrot. And so I continue running hoping that the universe may one day see it fit to feed me that awful carrot. Still. I know. The universe doesn't owe anyone anything. But forgive me for being angry because I still honestly believe that I deserve so much better and I'm just too fucking nice to save some for myself.
"Home is wherever I'm with you."
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
I guess this vacation isn't turning out the way I hoped it would and I guess being forced to go to sleep at 10 in the evening doesn't do well with my brain. There's gotta be a place out there that I belong and finding one is on top of my list. Forget everything else. This year's goal is to just drop everything and find home.
Someone Anxious
