"So all these years--since when?--he had been seeing the light of dead stars, long extinguished, yet seemingly still in their appointed places in the heavens."
Dead Stars by Paz Marquez - Benitez
One of the things I absolutely miss about school is being forced to read. I've always been a book worm and when I was younger, I would spend lunch breaks reading alone in a hidden corner near the library. I never really had school friends until I was a little bit older.
I remember reading a lot of Filipino stories in English. In fact, one of my favorite books in the Elementary library would be the tales of Lola Basyang. Severino Reyes was an absolute favorite and I would spend each night reading his stories of princesses, robbers that are the best of friends and other Filipinos who seemed to have more adventures than I. I was always so jealous of them!
As I grew older and entered high school, my reading list started to be filled with books that were supposed to be a must read for every teenager. Of course, there was Harry Potter which I started reading when I was about in the fourth grade and that I absolutely love. Then there was Twilight (which never really followed me as I grew older) and there were the usual other books that you read simply because everyone else was reading them. Gone were the days that I could go to the library and read my favorite children's books. They were all located in the grade school library and borrowing Philippine history books just made you more of a nerd and that's the last thing you want to be in high school.
When I was shipped off to the university, I was so happy that I was forced to read. It didn't matter that I was reading journal articles or the newspaper. Reading was a must to survive and sometimes, it even made you look cool. Looking back, the only reason why I even passed (aside from the fact that I always choose Jon to be my group mate) was because I read.
What saddens me the most is the fact I will never have those days again. Gone are the days when I am forced to read... when I'm forced to learn. Maybe that's why I know I wan't a more learning centered life. Life without learning just makes me feel empty inside and it's so hard to explain to those around me. Some people even think it is crazy for me to think so.
I may never have those days again but I surely have the many stories I have read over the years. Let me share with you one of my favorites, Dead Stars by Paz Marquez - Benitez.
What I absolutely love about this story is how I can always relate to Alfredo in the end. I hold on to things as if my life depended on it and I continue to look at the dead stars that seem to keep me company at night.
However, there's a part of me that's always a Julia when it comes to him. Today, he called and I can't help but be a little bit cold. I know he wonders what has changed... I know he thinks this every time we meet for a drink and a chat. What he never understood was, just like Alfredo, the loss was his and he has changed. He had held on far too long than he should and there was nothing left but the "what-ifs" the mind offers during solitary nights. We were young once.
What he will never understand is that he is a force. A force that shook me and told me to be who I am. He has shaped and molded me to realize that the world is a cruel place and heroes don't really save you, they just wait for you. So forgive me if I'm not too happy or if I'm not too willing to help you out of your misery. I waited for you to save me once and honestly, I'm tired of waiting still. There are other lazier heroes out there who are worse but wouldn't be as hard headed as you.
Let's get this over with.
Someone Anxious
