Although I did not stuff myself like usual, it was nice having a proper meal with everyone. We rarely get to talk about things and we rarely get to even just sit down and have a meal together. Still, sometimes I feel like I'm a stranger to most of them. Even though I'm close to my cousin, I can see that my brother and her share a special bond because they work so closely with one another. Funny how you feel like a stranger, even to your own family.
I did hang out with Janey after and even though our spontaneous Saturday didn't push through, we were able to watch one game of rugby and have merienda back at my place. It was nice sharing my thoughts with her and even though we don't really agree on things, it's nice to have a friendly conversation about things. Yup. We're not the type to debate.
The next day, I went back to the South to spend time with my grandmother and my uncle. He bought me new wedges (for my birthday) and I bought socks and toiletries as well. But I felt sick to my stomach that same day and by the time I went home, I was so sick that I couldn't even stomach dinner. Still, I was able to cross out shop from my list.
I never really listed it down but I think this is worth blogging about. I did something that I don't usually do this week and I think this is something I should write about just to get everything out there. For the first time in months, I cried. I'm not fond of crying simply because I grew up in a family that taught me early on that crying is a sign of weakness. So when I cry, I always feel like a total failure. A weakling. I can actually hear my mom's voice telling me that I'm such a sissy. Maybe I am.
I won't go over the details on why I did (because thinking about it just makes me more depressed and I honestly want to forget about it) but I realized that the reason why I cried is the tipping point of things. Maybe I'm just too idealistic but I believe that there are lines that should never be crossed. In fact, if people were more idealistic with things, I think the world will be a better place. A little courtesy can really go a long way.
I may not have a lot, but I know I am worth something. Just so you know I am valuable and my value goes beyond to feeling like this or being treated like that. I may not be perfect but the last thing I want is to make people feel the same way I feel now. And that's all I have to say.
Someone Anxious.
