I love the fact that even though I have flabs, my curves are predominantly present. Wearing a nice tight-fitting dress always make people notice that I am a woman... a beautiful woman in fact. The dream is to get enough money to buy more dresses that highlights my curves. Finally enrolling myself to a gym would be nice too.
I'll be speaking on behalf of my old college org next week and I can't help but wonder what people would think of me. I won't know everybody there and I certainly am not chummy chums with the Vice Dean or the Academic Assistant. I will still know quite a few people there... An old block mate and a close friend, younger kids who took up the same course, the guy who did his OJT here in my office and a lot of other peeps who think I'm living the consultancy dream.
Holly and I talked about this last week and she told me to just be honest about the whole thing. They shouldn't be expecting rainbows and butterflies, especially when I know for certain that it won't be even near to that. So far, I've drafted my supposedly speech (I'm not even sure if I'm actually giving a speech of sorts but I prepared it just in case) and I think I've gone as honest as I can without hurting anyone. I'm not killing the "dream" but I'm not exaggerating with myself. I wrote down why I honestly choose the course (Yes, Holly. Aside from the fact that you told me it will help me enter the university, it was the long name of the degree program that sealed the deal). I also wrote down how one should be open to change. The degree is really flexible and you can, if you want to, find yourself in other career paths that you never really thought possible.
I think you guys will hate me for writing this (that's you Holly, Janey and Jackie) but I do confess that one of the reasons why I want to look good, sound good and feel good for myself that day is because I want to see him and him see me. I want to sort of prove my self even though there is really nothing to prove. I think about nights passed by and I wonder if they really even did happen. To be honest, I do want it to happen again.
Still, I've grown a little and I won't be calling. I won't go through that again even if I do want it to happen. I think I've been burned enough to know that the fire is hot and it is not to be played with. I think I've come to accept that I fell in love with an idea and not the person itself (I will never really admit it outright though).
Moving on,
Someone Anxious
