A very nice soul I’ve randomly met told me that there is no need to wait for you. He told me that there is no need for me to waste my time with you. I believe he told me that there is always one person for someone and if after showing you that I am here and you don’t move, you are not the one for me.
He reassured me that I am young, I am beautiful and I am myself. There is no need to fret over the idea of you because that idea is not “the one” I should be hoping for. I’ve done everything I could. The ball is in your court and you are not tossing it back so I guess that’s that.
The thing is, I never told you how much I really care or want to be with you. I never really showed you, I was never really frank with it because one of the rules you laid out was to be subtle (which I failed miserably).
Let me write it down although I know you’ll never read this or I’ll never really have the courage to say it to you. At least, in this universe it was set in stone.
I do care for you, immensely as a matter of fact. I don’t dare call it love because I sometimes don’t believe it myself. I think you’re an ass for making me look like a fool to all of them. You don’t know how much it hurt to know that you just made fun of very sincere intentions. I hate the fact that I was just one of them, one of the million girls to prove your manhood. I was sincere. I sincerely cared and if you didn’t think so little of me (as I feel you do) you wouldn’t be alone (as I feel you are not anyways) and you would have someone who really doesn’t care about age, weight, hair and everything else in between (does she sincerely care as I do?).
I am not waiting although the idea of the car you drive, the restaurant we were supposed to go to and the idea of having more constantly haunts me until no end. You have no idea how men like you make me feel so miniscule. I guess I know someone is worth my time when they do everything the opposite. I know when someone is worth my time when I don’t feel so used after.
To love and things that feel like it,
Someone Anxious
