Sunday, March 13, 2011

It's not about you...

I'm not going to talk about this out loud so I'm just going to type it all here.


So I've been into someone else totally the opposite of him... He's young and in my head, I call him the kid. To cut a long story short, I realized that sleeping with this new guy (or anyone at this point) is something I really don't wish to handle right now.

And it's not because of him.

It's because of me.

I am at that point where I wish for something more than a casual night. I'm longing for something more stable and serious. I'm looking for something more stable and steady. Someone who can be there and will be there during my rainy days. In short, I'm looking for something long term.

Now, tell me, is that so wrong?

I honestly don't think so. What's wrong is me and how I can't come to terms with this whole thing. My facade is slowly breaking. For the longest time I've been telling people that I don't think relationships need love and that romance is overrated. This blog is, supposedly, my escape to this is other side of me that wants the whole ride.

The kid could have been perfect though except he did proclaim that there is that possibility that there won't be a long term thing. There is that possibility that it will only be that night and it came to me. I'm no longer interested with 50/50s. I want the whole 100 and even if I know it's selfish... I don't care. I feel like it's my turn. I don't want to risk what's left with me knowing that I will fall in love with him even if I know that there will be nothing tangible in the end.

So, when you feel like finally making that leap to the serious road...

...come back to me, kid.

Someone Anxious.

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