Random Thoughts: An Inability to Explain

I think that most people take a lot of things for granted.

Like when someone listens to you.

Even though I like to talk (as most people would think I do but I really don't), I listen more carefully.

I listen to rants. I listen to complains. I listen to instructions...

...I listen to you.

So please, please, please, for one minute don't ever assume that I did not listen to you. Don't make me do something just for the sake of doing something. I am (and consequently, you are) better than that.

Thanks!

Sincerely,

Someone Anxious

Birthday Month

The Certified Olympian did mention that my blog has had some serious undertones lately. I guess, it's been a rough couple of weeks (or even months) for me.

But I've been thinking about being "happy" lately and how it seems everyone from my age group relates it to a.) clothes, b.) money c.) someone to have sex with, or d.) all of the above. Truth is, I think I'm in a better place now then I was during the last post here and I'm back to sincerely smiling again.

One thing that made me smile though is that I was able to enjoy my "Birthday Month".

Back in college, Holly, Janey, Jackie and I would have one whole month of celebrations to celebrate one's birthday. Since all 3 of them would celebrate on December, I would be their "slave" for a whole month. And since I'm born in March, I demand that they be mine for the entire month.

Things have changed though, very seldom do I see them and in truth, very seldom do we really see the people we want to see anyways. But I did spend a part of my Birthday weekend in the beautiful island of Palawan with my college friends: Frances, Alexi and Rich.

Our view after successful spelunking adventure

I barely post pictures of my self in this blog simply because I don't want it to backfire in the future. I'm done with the whole backfire with photographic evidence thing. But I can't help it, especially with this shot by Frances:

My Birthday "Cave" Shot 

It might not seem like it, but that's actually a really high rock that I'm on top of. I knew that the boys had a semi-panic attack when I sat on it. But with my aqua/trekking shoes, nothing's impossible (thank you, Payless)!

That whole trip made me realize how much I do love my friends and how much I do appreciate them. It was worth every penny (and not eating for days afterwards). Now, the only thing I'm looking forward to is having a Saturday off (which is impossible since I'm swamped with weekend work trips).

Speaking of boys earlier, I've admitted to Carla that I've been feeling a bit "dry" (yes, it's what your thinking type of dry) in the love department. It's been two years since I last saw "him" and I think I've moved on. Although, an occasional slip of the tongue does happen when I see Holly (I have no idea why). But every time I'm with Frances and the gang, it's like I don't even think about men in general. Now, more than ever, I do believe in my theory on conversational cycles and how relationships (love or friends) all depend if there is a need that is unfulfilled through conversations.

I don't want a new relationship, I just miss the ones I have. With the busy work sched and the months to follow, I wonder if I'll ever get to grab a cup of coffee with the Certified Olympian, or catch a movie with Jackie. I've been itching to also play rugby or football with Janey and even maybe have an ice cold beer with Holly.

I think it's true with the whole geography thing. I'm not much of a South person anymore and I've come to say "no" with commuting back and forth for four hours just to spend time with some of them for 2. I think there's an injustice with that and unless a.) Manila traffic will ease up or b.) We meet on a totally free day, I'll be cooped up in my apartment watching the HIMYM finale over and over again.

Patethic? Not really. That's just me and that's what I like doing.

I'm just,

Someone Anxious.

Yuppie

I've decided to take a risk lately and finally "pursue" a dream of mine... in a form of a scholarship grant that would take me far away from here.

"Here" being where I am currently typing this, 30 minutes before I officially start working.

I hate the fact that most people consider me a "Yuppie".

Last night, after receiving some disheartening news (again, delayed communication - I would appreciate knowing things as close to real time when it concerns me), I've realized that most "Yuppies" or "Youngies" - as I see no difference from this side of the world - don't need anything but support and a tap on the back.

Stupid of me to think that I would find it here.

I've been feeling like a minimalist painting recently. Did you ever observe how most people would classify a minimalist painting as "minimalist" but what you see is an explosion of colors, shapes and strokes? I'm sure when the artist was painting, he never thought of his work as "minimal" but maybe painted it because he, indeed, feel minimal instead.

"Yes, I know there are bigger things going on..."

"Yes, I understand that there are other people's interest also on the line..." 

"Yes, I know I can work around it."

"Yes, I should enjoy the free ride. Yes, I am grateful."

I'm tired of saying "Yes."

After all, there WAS only one place I thought of after pursuing this. I thought that maybe I could come back, pick up where I left of. Because, honestly I wasn't doing it to satisfy my yuppie cravings. I was doing it because I wanted to be like everyone else.

So hell, if I can't and even if I wanted to so badly, I know that a "no" is a "no" and a "yes" is a "yes". If being young means I have goals to achieve, then I think I should no longer hide the fact that I am young, a yuppie if you may. Even if I'm young, I know that comfort is the rival of success. If I just wait around, there's a chance that nothing may happen as compared to me moving on and knowing that THINGS CAN HAPPEN.

I CAN HAPPEN.

So here's to this moment! Pushing through and moving on, finally!

Carpe Diem,

Someone Anxious

Meat of Back Wards

Let's take a Risk:

Dear friend,

Only so few really do take the time to read and I guess I owe it up to you to share some things that we never do get the time to talk about.

I've been working hard you see. Not just with work but the blunt of the matter is: I've been working hard to stay positive as well. And yesterday - the day that all my hardwork should have paid off -
they've decided to just be frank and I end up feeling inadequate in so many levels instead.

"What's the point?"

I keep asking myself this as I lay awake at night. Apparrently I've reached the point of no return and (if I do say so myself) forward. It is sad because I honestly feel like I've been working under false pretenses.

What hurts is that apparently, the person you've defended, supported above everyone else and looked up to is assumed your enemy. I am in no competition but myself because I want to be good with what I do. That is the truth. I believe there are no comparisons and I wished that people never assumed what goes on in my head. Angry, I am not. Hurt and betrayed, I do feel. I may be young but that does not always equate to foolish. I know that I've given up so many goals for this that the truth is: it is no longer worth it.

Dearest friend, one thing I will regret is that I will surely miss you.

You have been constant light during the past two years (I dare not count my experiences prior). Your presence has made all the differences in the world and I am and always will be grateful. I wish to keep in touch but it is already hard when we work for the same person, what more when we are in two different cities?

So, let me say that the most I can offer is to be sincerely thankful and my prayers will always include you and your sister. I would also like that you remeber me from time to time. Maybe say a short prayer as I take this risk. You will be in my thoughts always and with that in mind, I do not feel leaping forward all alone...


...Someone Anxious

2014 Home Improvements

So, it has come to that time of the year when I start making some changes in my living space.

I've already changed my furniture arrangements; going back to the original scheme of things and maximizing my room space. I've also started de-cluttering and I'll be throwing out a couple of things along the way. Feel free to drop by if you want to catch some old clothes...

For the moment, I'll be focusing on my wall art. As most of you may know, early on my move to my own place, I had some electric tape wall art put up. It was always a dream of mine and I always thought it would be a great way to release some pent up artistic energy. Frances has so much photos of my wall from the gang's overnight stay that it has become a staple already. But like so many things in life, I think it is time to change.

Improvement No. 1.) Work Station

I've decided to create a work station and free my work chair of the many clothes and little items that found itself seated on that specific area. To replace the electric tape art, I hung my cork board panel beside the table. Next step, buy an illustration board that I will frame as a chalk board to keep my life on track.

Improvement No. 2.) Coat Organizer

I've decided to buy some hooks to screw behind my front door. These will be my improvised coat hanger as my closet is already full. I'll also be hanging my bags from time to time. To do so, I removed some drawings I've placed early last year.

Improvement No. 3.) Shoe Rack

I will be making my improvised shoe rack by this weekend. I'm not totally decided if I will just buy and redecorate or make one from scratch. Regardless, I will be posting photos by Sunday morning. Hopefully, things will look better then.

Looking forward to a more productive 2014 ahead!

Someone Anxious

New Year = New Photo Challenge

Again, it's been a long time since I posted and I guess the usual update is due.

Update 1: Got sick... again!
Yeah, I've been getting sick recently and I don't exactly relish going to the ER and draining all my savings for meds. But still... happy to be alive and all that jazz.

Update 2: New Year's Resolution
I've been thinking about 2013 and how it flew by so fast. I wasn't really able to do majority of what I said I'll do (which happened to be 'Get Married' - thank, God!) but I'm still grateful for the many opportunities that came my way.

To ensure that 2014 will be a little bit different, I've decided to start the year with a little photo challenge for myself via zramphotography.

For more info, visit: http://zramphotography.wix.com/online

This little project will hopefully give me the boost I've been craving for to complete "Strangers" for MoarBooks and to spend more time doing the things I really love like... photography!

I'm also looking forward to buying new equipment this year. Aside from my usual Holga 35mm TLR, I've decided to buy an instax camera and a new digital camera to really boost my productivity. Plus. I never got to really do a photowalk last year. I've been meaning to ask Janey but maybe after her trip to SG.

So far, exciting 2014 ahead and I'm also planning a lot of professional changes as well. I know it's time that I really walk my talk and I can't wait to meet with Holly, Jackie and Janey to talk about it. Hopefully, we'll meet soon.

Cheers,

Someone Anxious.

My Life in a Suit: Work Trips

It's been a long time since I've posted something in this in this blog. Work has officially taken over my life and for the first time in a long time, I'm beginning to think I'm not cut out for this job.

 But as part of what I tell people during our programs, one sure way to counter "negativity" is to think about the positive things that you appreciate about your current situation. So, here it goes and this short post is dedicated to everyone who I miss dearly (girlaloos and college friends alike).

I think I've mentioned it here before that a big chunk of my time is spent travelling from one place to another. For those of you who don't me, I don't know why you're reading my blog but, I'm a (trying hard, wannabee) consultant. I work for an organization full-time and we do what I always thought I would be doing after college - travel and feel important.

But beyond the superficialities of my previous paragraph, everyone should know that it took me some time for me to do what I do. I started at the bottom and the rat race wasn't so kind to me at the beginning. I worked for minimum wage and eventually got lucky from there. I got transferred, my boss became my mentor (somewhat) and I ended up working with a team rather than for one.

I like what I do because I feel that I'm important. I'm not saying this because I'm vain although I am. I'm saying this because I feel like what I do has a purpose and changes a lot of people's lives. Part of my job is to talk to people and remind them to look at the brighter side of things. I help them understand that what they do contributes to the bigger picture. In short, I feel important because I help remind others that they are important.

One great perk which I am experiencing right now is that I'm in a nice suite watching TV from a flat panel screen. Although I'm due to send a report any minute now, I'm taking the time to enjoy this. After all, I might not be able to do this with my own resources so might as well sit back and relax.

There's always something nice about the idea of traveling for a living. It is extremely hard and I don't suggest it for people who have kids. But,

Blogging about it,

Someone Anxious