Saturday, July 9, 2011
Hoping.
I'm hoping he doesn't forget about me so soon. Honestly, I feel like I am a little too easy to forget.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Hey Julie.
All my life I wanted to be Julie. I wanted to be that girl who he would count the hours for just to see her face. So, I always thought that by being Julie, what more could you ask for?
With that question in mind, my friend replied: 'Someone to sing the song for...'
She's right. To have someone you can actually sing Hey Julie to is greater than actually being Julie. After all, I can be Julie, but not feel the same as the person who who would count down the hours just to see me. I now believe that to love is greater than to be loved.
I love you.
Someone Anxious.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Who said anything about love? (Crushes and Kisses)
I've had a crush on this guy for about a week and a few days or so now. I met him during my first few days in the office and the only thing I could think of was "Wow. This guy is so funny." It is quite impossible though (going out with him, I mean). After all, I'm the new kid and he's a bit older than me (yeah, what's new?). Days passed and he was so friendly to me and the other newbie that I guess you can say that we are more than acquaintances now.
A few days ago (thanks to my probing questions), I found out he had a girl friend and although I was a bit disappointed, it didn't really bother me as much as seeing his facebook wall full of comments from his ladies. Today, I passed by (I dub him) Mr. Office and he gave me a good morning high five. At first it was all fun and games but he never let go of my hand. It wasn't awkward or anything. Just really funny... Then he said that my hands were really soft (thank you hair polish... hair polish and not lotion) and my boyfriend was really lucky.
I actually laughed at this. I know he was trying to be "happy" flirtatious (he really is and everyone knows about that... sort of used to it by now), but he was just really funny and how he executed the line was hilarious.Of course, I cleared things up and said I didn't have a boyfriend. I did insinuate that whoever the bastard is, he is lucky.
Funny how the idea of a crush change over time. Somehow I think they're like kisses... the more you have one, the less special they become... the less they mean anything about love. I remember having crushes when I was younger and whoever I had one on meant that I was nearing to falling in love with him. Like kissing. When your younger, you think that the person you kiss is actually (dare I say it?) 'the one.' When you're older, a crush maybe a friend you think is pretty hilarious (Mr. Office), a guy you think you can hang out with (the Kid) or someone you think will be okay in the future (Mr. Ex). When you're older, crushes don't necessarily mean anything about love...
...and I feel the same way with kisses.
Kisses don't mean as much to me as they did before. If so, why would a peck from him mean so to me?
Does he really mean that much to me?
Someone Anxious.
A few days ago (thanks to my probing questions), I found out he had a girl friend and although I was a bit disappointed, it didn't really bother me as much as seeing his facebook wall full of comments from his ladies. Today, I passed by (I dub him) Mr. Office and he gave me a good morning high five. At first it was all fun and games but he never let go of my hand. It wasn't awkward or anything. Just really funny... Then he said that my hands were really soft (thank you hair polish... hair polish and not lotion) and my boyfriend was really lucky.
I actually laughed at this. I know he was trying to be "happy" flirtatious (he really is and everyone knows about that... sort of used to it by now), but he was just really funny and how he executed the line was hilarious.Of course, I cleared things up and said I didn't have a boyfriend. I did insinuate that whoever the bastard is, he is lucky.
Funny how the idea of a crush change over time. Somehow I think they're like kisses... the more you have one, the less special they become... the less they mean anything about love. I remember having crushes when I was younger and whoever I had one on meant that I was nearing to falling in love with him. Like kissing. When your younger, you think that the person you kiss is actually (dare I say it?) 'the one.' When you're older, a crush maybe a friend you think is pretty hilarious (Mr. Office), a guy you think you can hang out with (the Kid) or someone you think will be okay in the future (Mr. Ex). When you're older, crushes don't necessarily mean anything about love...
...and I feel the same way with kisses.
Kisses don't mean as much to me as they did before. If so, why would a peck from him mean so to me?
Does he really mean that much to me?
Someone Anxious.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Peck.
A peck is an imperial and U.S. customary unit of dry volume, equivalent to 2 gallons or 8 dry quarts or 16 dry pints. Two pecks make a kenning (obsolete), and four pecks make a bushel. - Wikipedia
To me, it's that type of kiss in the lips that makes you want to kill yourself for wanting more.
Finally over the man-less stage and was replaced by the promiscuity stage. I was with a couple of friends when I decided that I should just move on to the fooling around stage. My first victim was supposedly the kid, but apparently he was too chicken to even ride public transportation just to get to us. Then there was Mr. Ex.who I just felt like stabbing after reminding me that the night we went out should have been our anniversary. Then there was him. Yes, him. The him that I've been hating and loving. The him that ruined my life but I can't hate. Yes. Him.
After seeing him in passing a couple of times, I've decided to contact him and invite him to a celebratory dinner of sorts. As usual, I was late but he was there and he was waiting. The usual talk and it was nothing but friendly. The usual banter was there and I've come to realize that he wasn't being flirty. That was just the way he is and that's that.
Nothing really happened. Dinner, cigarettes a cab ride, a peck on the lips and a goodbye.
To me, a peck is that type of kiss in the lips that makes you want to kill yourself for wanting more.
To me, it's that type of kiss in the lips that makes you want to kill yourself for wanting more.
Finally over the man-less stage and was replaced by the promiscuity stage. I was with a couple of friends when I decided that I should just move on to the fooling around stage. My first victim was supposedly the kid, but apparently he was too chicken to even ride public transportation just to get to us. Then there was Mr. Ex.who I just felt like stabbing after reminding me that the night we went out should have been our anniversary. Then there was him. Yes, him. The him that I've been hating and loving. The him that ruined my life but I can't hate. Yes. Him.
After seeing him in passing a couple of times, I've decided to contact him and invite him to a celebratory dinner of sorts. As usual, I was late but he was there and he was waiting. The usual talk and it was nothing but friendly. The usual banter was there and I've come to realize that he wasn't being flirty. That was just the way he is and that's that.
Nothing really happened. Dinner, cigarettes a cab ride, a peck on the lips and a goodbye.
To me, a peck is that type of kiss in the lips that makes you want to kill yourself for wanting more.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Special.
Everybody wants to feel special. Truth be told, people do things the way they do because they want to be unique... different. Whether it's getting special treatment in a department store or getting the best tables in a restaurant, everybody just wants to feel special.
In a way, I want to feel special to him.
The thing is, everything he does makes me feel special (even though there's nothing special about it). My heart is clogging up my senses and all of a sudden everything he does is for me. Then, you see something (a piece of evidence) and you realize that you're not special at all... especially to him.
Sad, but it's the truth.
In a way, I want to feel special to him.
The thing is, everything he does makes me feel special (even though there's nothing special about it). My heart is clogging up my senses and all of a sudden everything he does is for me. Then, you see something (a piece of evidence) and you realize that you're not special at all... especially to him.
Sad, but it's the truth.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Cringe.
Do you ever feel like cringing simply because you suddenly remembered something about him?
Happens to me all the time actually.
Sometimes, it's not even a memory. Recently, even random moments (somewhat associated with him) make me cringe and all of a sudden I feel like I want to throw up. I always thought that this was because I'm trying to get over him. If you think about it, I cringe with just the very thought of him... What more if I saw him, right?
Yesterday, I saw him and I didn't even cringe at all. In passing, there were a few nods and a smile. Nothing to actually spark conversation and I think it was because I was in a group. Then, when I was alone and I bumped into him, there it was.
No cringing just a touch, a peck on the cheek and similar conversations like before.
I really can't hate him. No matter how much I (sort of) hate him and no matter how much I don't want to; I just couldn't help it. I really couldn't. I still "like" him and I've realized that I shouldn't fight it. I shouldn't tell myself that I shouldn't or that eventually I won't. I'll just have to live with it and eventually (hopefully) a day will come when I really don't.
Cringing as I write this,
Someone Anxious
Happens to me all the time actually.
Sometimes, it's not even a memory. Recently, even random moments (somewhat associated with him) make me cringe and all of a sudden I feel like I want to throw up. I always thought that this was because I'm trying to get over him. If you think about it, I cringe with just the very thought of him... What more if I saw him, right?
Yesterday, I saw him and I didn't even cringe at all. In passing, there were a few nods and a smile. Nothing to actually spark conversation and I think it was because I was in a group. Then, when I was alone and I bumped into him, there it was.
No cringing just a touch, a peck on the cheek and similar conversations like before.
I really can't hate him. No matter how much I (sort of) hate him and no matter how much I don't want to; I just couldn't help it. I really couldn't. I still "like" him and I've realized that I shouldn't fight it. I shouldn't tell myself that I shouldn't or that eventually I won't. I'll just have to live with it and eventually (hopefully) a day will come when I really don't.
Cringing as I write this,
Someone Anxious
Thursday, June 2, 2011
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