Tired (in multiple ways)

I feel so tired.

And to think that I just came from a long weekend of fun.

Sometimes, I wonder if "this" is really worth it.

~

I'm constantly annoyed at how some people talk about individuality and flexibility when they themselves cannot change. This is stupid. It's either people think too much of you or they just simple belittle you. At the end of the day, people like me, who has had enough, would probably just leave to save our sanity.

~

Now that I'm able to write that out (in line with ranting it out later to Lucille), I guess I should apologize for not writing as often. Then again, I know not a lot of people read this to begin with so what's the point. Maybe, I should apologize to myself. I'm sorry self. You see, you don't like change and your adamant to succeed but then again, you should give yourself a break because this is already, in your belief, beyond you.

Nope, it's not the devil and in fact, you love the devil. If it was just the ruler of the underworld, you'd probably love the idea of taking over. It's the minions - or a specific one or two at that. You can't pinpoint it but you know that there comes a point where you just want to say: "F*ck off!"

Yeah.

F*ck off!

Alright, now that's said and done, it's about time to talk about stupidity. Am I stupid? Some people (even some of my closest friend) always, and without fail, makes me feel like I am. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Just because the things that interest them no longer interests me. Even though, I'm the one always making the 101% effort. Whatever. Yeah.. I guess, I am stupid. Happy now?

~

"What do you want to do?" she says in a tone that my ears are allergic to.

Truth is, I don't want to do anything. I want to write (but apparently I'm too stupid to write), sing (but I'm pants in Karaoke) and travel (but we can't afford it anymore). So what's left to do but do everything that you do and find a content in the middle of things.

~

The weather outside is not helping because every time I get wet, I wonder if anyone out there would share their umbrella with me... Weather just makes me feel lonely and I guess I should get used to it. I am (even with friends) a lonely sad old lady who has mastered the art of the fake laugh.

~

Can't you see I'm tired? It's your turn to ring my bell, knock on my door and offer me a doughnut.

Please do.

Because I can't just be, and always will be,

Someone Anxious.